5MetersofAwesomesauce
by Piano'sIrishTater
Summary: Matthew is bored and lonely. He has no friends, an arrogant brother, and an uncaring mother always knee deep in work. But one IMing session on the computer changes it all... everything he's ever known falls into pieces... but is it for the better? PruCan!
1. Of A Prince

**A new, somewhat pointless story :D **

It had always been like this. Always. He would stand in the very front in absolutely everything and I, worthless me, would stand in his shadow. He would have the solo. I would sing with the choir. He would be the lead in musicals. I would be the supporting cast. He would be the hero of the baseball team. I would never get the game ball. It didn't matter what we did, really. It always turned out the same way.

Some people seemed to think this didn't bother me and that I took no offense to it. True, I stood quietly in the back, waiting for it to be my turn, but that didn't mean I didn't care. It hurt every single time he was picked and I was not. No one wants to live in the shadow of anyone else; we all want to be treated equally and have someone to love us. No one wants to feel completely _alone_. And I was invisible to the whole entire world.

Forever the shy little brother of Alfred F. Jones.

I don't really know what it was that made me start to feel this way. In the beginning, it had just seemed right, like the parts were always made for him. But that had been when we were little. Maybe I had just started to see the inequality of the world and, of course, that our parents had been playing favorites since the day Alfred had been born. We were from a sort of "broken" family and had different fathers, which was why our names were different, mine being Williams instead of Jones. The whole situation was confusing, but basically, I was the bastard child who was the result of our mom cheating on his dad. Consequently, Alfred's father had divorced Mom and she was now a single parent, taking care of the two of us, trying to hold onto herself.

Money was a little tight, but we could manage, she always told me when I asked. Mostly, she just told me to leave her alone. She was always tied up with work , too busy doing whatever it was she did on her computer all day to even begin to listen when I told her I had a hockey game on Saturday that I wanted her to come to. When Alfred had a soccer game, she had to put everything on hold, but when I had hockey… I tried not to hold a grudge against her, knowing how busy she was and all. Perhaps it was just coincidence… Maybe anytime I asked, she had things piled up.

Yeah… that's what I told myself every time. Since the second grade.

So I ended up with a lot of spare time, what with being invisible and all. Mostly I just sat in my room and did homework, sometimes things that weren't due until weeks later, to occupy my horrendous lack of social life. Occasionally I would get on the computer I had just gotten for Christmas from my father and get on YouTube. Other than that, I lay on my bed and stared at the ceiling for hours on end, thinking up beautiful stories to fill my head with, pretending sometimes I was somewhere else. Somewhere where people liked you, even if you were anti-social and shy. A place where I had friends.

Alfred went out with his buddies almost every night. He went and had fun, doing what normal seventeen-year-olds did, which may or may not have included drugs and alcohol. It wasn't like he would tell me if it did. Out was exactly where he was now, and I, also, was in my standard position, hiding underneath the covers and hugging my stuffed polar bear that I'd had since forever, though I could never remember what I originally had named him. I was imagining something new, a sort of Alice in Wonderland type place, only Canadian instead of English, wishing desperately that I could figure a way to write out exactly what went through my head.

I let out a slightly frustrated sigh and shoved the covers off, going over to the computer to listen to music to calm my thoughts and try to organize them. Drumming my fingers on my desk, I waited patiently for the internet to boot up, wondering suddenly what Alfred was doing right now with his friends. Where were they? What were they doing? Was it legal? All these questions I had always wanted to ask him, but I was too afraid. I was even terrified of my own brother. It was pathetic. It finally opened, to my relief, and I started to head to YouTube, to search for something calming to listen to. Of course, instead of typing the site in right, my hand slipped and I accidentally clicked on something I was sure Alfred had typed in when I was doing the dishes or something. He always got on my computer…

And now, I had to wait for it to load. When it did, I went instantly to the address bar to retype, trying to avoid looking at whatever it was Al had looked up. I was afraid it was porn, like last time. But just as I started typing (very carefully) a message popped up, scaring the maple out of me, announcing that EnglishTeaWizard was now online and had sent something. Curiosity getting the better of me, I opened it, praying that it wasn't something… Alfred-like. Instead it was just a message.

_Good day, Alfred._

Good day? Somewhat hesitant, I typed back. _Hello._

_How was your day? It rained here, of course._

A small feeling of guilt leapt inside me as I continued the conversation, the weirdness of the situation… exciting. _It snowed today, actually! I'm so happy… I love snow!_ I felt a smile break across my face as I remembered the miracle snowfall that we had gotten.

_Really? I thought you hated the cold. Unless I'm remembering wrong… _

Just as I was about to answer to try and fix my mistake, another bubble popped up, this one colorful and lined with bright red. Shocked, I clicked on that one, wondering just how many people Alfred had been online chatting with on my computer. The name 5MetersofAwesomesauce came up, and with it, the most massive collection of smiley faces I had ever seen instead of actual words. I had no idea what to do… Pushing my glasses up, I decided to try and type to see if he or she would answer.

_Um… hello?_

_Guess what, Al? You'll never guess who the awesome me totally fucked last night!_

My face reddening, not really wanting to know who he… did it with last night, I tried to go back to the other chat, only to find that EnglishTeaWizard had already left, saying that he had to do some chores. Fidgeting uncomfortably, I went back to the other guy and typed the only thing I could think to say. _Who?_

_The absolutely fiiiine Roderick, that's who! High five! So, you get in Arthur's pants yet?_

Arthur? Who was Arthur? And, on top of that, why was he asking if my brother had been in another boy's pants? Alfred wasn't gay… Or at least I hadn't THOUGHT so… Biting my lip, I said _Not yet…_

_Dude, what are you waiting for? _

_Uhh… _I decided to take the easy way out of the whole situation._ Hey, sorry, I have to leave. Mom wants me to do the dishes now._

_Whatevs. The awesome me has better things to do anyway!_

I waited for the message that 5metersofAwesomesauce was offline before I hurriedly shut off the computer altogether and started pacing around my room, flustered. What had that been about? Why had Alfred been talking to these people? Who were they, more importantly? Trying to shake off the whole ordeal, I went out to the kitchen to grab something to eat, only to find someone with short blond hair and a bomber jacket already there, raiding the fridge. My heart flew up into my throat; I considered stepping back out the way I had come, but he spun before I could go, turning to face me with his mouth full of pie and arms full of other miscellaneous food items.

"Mrmph!" he shouted, pie crumbs flying out of his mouth and smacking me in the face.

I gave a nervous laugh and said, my voice a whisper, "I'll just go now so you can have the kitchen to yourself…" Then I turned to leave, only to be stopped by a hand on my shoulder. Anxious, I turned around to find Alfred making the most ridiculous face ever as he swallowed his mouthful of goop. I stifled a shriek of surprise, gasping instead.

"Dude! I haven't seen you for, like, a month! You can stay in the kitchen with me if you wanna! That'd be totally sweet!" he said, surprising me.

Shocked about being noticed but not wanting to spend time with him and make things awkward, I made up a lame excuse and declined, rushing back to my room as fast I could. Suddenly exhausted, I collapsed onto my bed, pulled Kamijiki up to my chest, and fell asleep quickly, the light of the day gone in an instant.

That night I dreamed of a prince… one with short, gray hair and luminous red eyes, though these stunning features were completely dulled by the cocky smile he had on his face, and the first words out of his mouth.

"All hail the awesome me!"

**Don't like it, don't care, don't read. However, if you do, please review ;)**


	2. Last Night's Dream

When I woke up the next day, all I could think about was getting on the computer to talk some more. It was Saturday anyway, so why not? Quickly pressing my ear against my wall to see if Alfred was still snoring on the other side, (he was) I logged in and waited, a bit less patient than yesterday for the thing to boot. I couldn't hide my eagerness when it finally did and I quickly found the address I had accidentally gone to yesterday, pulling it up with a small grin. I wondered why I was smiling about wanting to talk to a guy who had said what he had to me before. But when I got on there, I realized something I already should have. It was seven in the morning… nobody was awake this early. Well, but me. So obviously nobody's message box thing would pop up on the screen.

Slightly disappointed, I decided that I would just figure out how to send the first message, but not ACTUALLY send one. I investigated for a bit, searching through what had looked like a pointless list before, one that, I finally noticed, was the massive list of people he had been IMing on my computer. They all had extremely bizarre pennames like IAMNOTARAPIST and SeXyTomaTOmAn69. It made me wonder how many of these people went to our school… I decided to try it out on the IAMNOTARAPIST guy, hesitantly clicking on the name and having a box come up that allowed me to type. Wracking my brain, all I could think put was _What would you do for a Klondike bar?_ Smiling inwardly, I searched for the erase button, to close the message, but before I could stop myself, I clicked on the wrong button. My heart stopped; had I really just SENT that?

The reply, to my shock, was almost instant, even though it hadn't said he was online.

_Why, I would do you and your family, including your petit chien for one, non?_

I didn't really speak a lot of French, but these three words were easy enough. Was he saying he would… DO the family and our dog? We didn't even HAVE a dog._ Uhm… that's okay, we don't have Klondike bars anyway… we don't really have enough money for extra things like that. _

_Oui… this is not Alfred, is it?_

I sat back in shock. How had he…? _Uh, not really. I'm his little brother, Matthew._

_Ah, he has told me about his frère before! I am happy to finally get to talk to someone as gorgeous as you are! Alfred has sent me a picture ;)_

What? Alfred had sent this… strange guy a PICTURE of me? My breath started to speed up and, shaking, I tried to click off of this chat, not wanting to speak with him anymore. It took a few tries, but I exited the conversation, feeling extremely upset and like my personal life had been invaded. Trying not to cry as I tended to do when I got angry, I sat at the computer desk putting my head in my hands, distressed by the fact that Alfred would DO something like that. And I hadn't had a good picture taken since I was a little baby! I just hoped he hadn't sent my seventh grade one… I whimpered with rising panic at the thought.

Just when I was about to leave to wake up Alfred and have a discussion with him, as scared as that made me, a box flew up on its own, surprising me. It was from 5MetersofAwesomesauce… my heart raced, excited, and I sat down again quickly, clicking to see what he had sent me. Or, rather, Alfred.

_You should hang out with the awesome me today! Francis, Toni, and me are going to the skate park and you need to be there! Now! Oh, and bring a buddy with you, because Francis is again on the prowl! He says to make it someone superawesomesexy, like your bruder!_

Then, just like that, he was offline again. Should I wake up Alfred…? I decided I should, if only to give him the message, and try to discuss sending pictures of me on the computer to strangers. Trembling, I walked out of my room and into the one next door, finding Alfred in his typical, sprawled across his bed sideways, limbs everywhere stance. His snoring was obnoxious and hurt my ears and drool was hanging down the side of his mouth… How was I ever going to wake him up? Tentatively, I knocked on the door, hoping that, despite everything, he was a light sleeper. He didn't budge.

Next, I turned on his light, but he didn't respond with even a twitch. Growing irritated, I went over and kicked his bed with all my might. With a snort, he turned away from me, snuggling deeper into his blanket mound. I poked his face, trying not to get his disgusting slobber on my finger, but he only mumbled.

"Alfred!" I tried, getting as loud as I could. "Alfred! Wake up!"

When it didn't work, I left the room, determined. There was absolutely only one thing that would wake him up no matter what and I knew exactly what it was. I went to the fridge and pulled it out, wincing when some grease fell across my hand. A hamburger. I shoved it in the microwave and heated it up, then brought it back to the room and threw it at Alfred like I was feeding a wild animal. Instantaneously, his eyes shot open and his nose started twitching, and then he fell on the hamburger, shoving it into his mouth and thanking the hamburger heavens… it was almost enough to make me go away, but I had to do this.

I cleared my throat and stood awkwardly at the door.

He looked up, seeming surprised, but swallowed the last bit of his… breakfast… and asked, "Hey, sup, dude?"

"U-uh… you're supposed to meet some people at the skate park… Francis and Toni… and 5MetersofAwesomesauce…" My face flushed having to say the penname, not knowing what his real name was.

He stared at me a moment, like he was trying to comprehend, but, suddenly, his blue eyes brightened and he said, "Yeah, cool! Hey, you should totally come with! I've been telling them about you for ages, but they've never gotten to meet you. I know you can't really skate and stuff, well except ice skating, you're totally wicked at that, but I mean on land and all… the dudes would like you!"

I shrunk back, not really knowing what to say to his exuberance. Would now be a good time to mention not to put my picture online? But he didn't give me the chance to do much. He pulled on his clothes, threw some at me, waited until I changed, and then pulled me out of my comfort zone and into his car, without even bothering to tell mom where we were going and with who. It made me nervous, but Alfred seemed completely unaffected and unworried, so I stayed quiet and tried to blink away the pain the sun caused my eyes. The roads were still a little snowy, but Alfred plowed right through with his truck, laughing at the smaller cars that had gotten stuck along the way.

"Dude, did you see that buggy? It was totally flipped over and stuff!" he laughed.

"What if someone got hurt?" I murmured, concerned, forgetting who I was talking to and even that I had spoken aloud.

He buzzed his lips in indifference. "Whatever. Look, we're here!"

I looked and saw the park I remembered from when I was little, only coated in a blanket of white, even all the… skater parts of it. How on earth did they plan to skate when everything was so slick and slippery? And it was freezing cold out too, adding to the displeasing thought of getting out of the car, which had finally gotten warm. Apparently, Alfred saw no problem with the situation, flying out of the car to go meet up with his friends from the web chat. Much more hesitant, I followed, wishing desperately that I had Kamijunjou to cuzzle, particularly when I was face to face with two people that I didn't recognize.

Alfred took the liberty of introducing them. "Kay, so the weirdo blond with the gay face stubble is Francis and the other dude is Antonio, but he goes by Toni. Guys, this is my little brother Matthew! He's really quiet and shy and stuff, so try not scare the crap out of him!"

I raised my hand to wave at them nervously, not liking the way Francis was looking at me, but it didn't get that far as I realized that someone was missing. "U-uh, where's the other one?" I asked Alfred.

He stared at me like I'd gone insane. "What other one? This is it! IAMNOTARAPIST and SeXyTomaTOmAn69!"

As I was about to clarify what I meant, a fiercely cold wind blew, taking my hat, the only thing I had of my father's, with it. With an airy gasp of surprise, I ran after it, already panting heavily. Just as I thought I was about to get it, a hand reached out of nowhere and seized it in its grasp. Out of breath, I leaned onto my knees, trying to spit out a thank you while looking up.

I froze.

Holding my hat was the prince from last night's dream, cocky smile and all. He had every feature I had imagined him with, the red eyes and silvery-gray hair the most striking things about him… the only difference was his clothes. Now he was bundled up to protect himself from the freezing weather, while my mind had conjured some weird old-timey clothes that had made him look renaissance. There was only one person this boy could be… 5MetersofAwesomesauce. Still stricken, I couldn't move an icy muscle in my body.

With a smirk, he took my hand and opened it, his hands warm through his gloves, and put the hat in my grasp, saying, "And the awesome me receives the hat, sparing my super sexy princess from a whole day of frozen headness!"

If that didn't prove this was him, I didn't know what could.

And he'd called me his princess.

**Yeah, I've been soooo busy! Please tell me how you like it ;) **


	3. Scream

"Th-thank you…" was all I could manage when he stared at me, as if he were expecting something else.

He grumbled in displeasure, crossing his arms across his chest and pouting. "What, no kiss for the hero? The awesome me saves you from frostbitten ears and all you have to say is thank you?"

I felt my eyes widen from my shock at his request. B-but I wasn't really a princess! Why would he want me…? Then again, he had said he'd… done… _that…_ to someone named Roderick… I gave him a forced smile and tried to laugh off his obvious joke. He was just messing with me! Yeah. I opened my eyes, trying to portray how amused I was with my face and instead found him looking down at me, a passionate fire burning in his eyes and a displeased grimace on his face. So he hadn't been kidding…

"U-uh…" I felt my face heat up from the awkward atmosphere. "This might surprise you, but I'm not actually a girl…"

His mouth twitched up at the corner and he told me, "Didn't think you were. Girls are too bitchy for my awesomeness!"

Before I could think of any way to respond to his harsh words, I heard Alfred calling out for me, obviously searching around. "Matt! Mattie! Where are you, dude? How long does it take to catch a hat?" He came around a tree and saw me, the worry and annoyance in his voice fading into relief. "There you are! I was totally wondering if you'd gotten stuck in a tree or eaten by a bear or something! Uh, what are you doing out here?" He looked around uncomfortably and grabbed me by the arm, pulling me back. "We should go back. That place gives me the creeps!"

Shocked, I tried to put up a resistance, but I was so weak compared to him… so outshined… "Wh-what about…" I started, turning around to point at the boy I had just met, but he had disappeared, not a even a footprint in the snow as evidence he had ever been there.

Lazily, he looked back at my puzzled face. "What about who, dude? C'mon, I wanna teach you how to skateboard!" Like a train, he dragged me swiftly back to where Toni and Francis were already skating around, shoving at each other, attempting to make the other one fall. Francis appeared to be losing the war. Alfred, grabbing his board from the ground, spoke obnoxiously to me. "Mattie, you're being really weird! Like, first, you ask where the other guy is and now this? What's up with that?"

"Who's 5MetersofAwesomesauce?" I murmured softly, the cold air caressing my face as I did.

Alfred froze and looked up at me slowly, his blue eyes darkening noticeably. "You never knew him… you never came out of your room to have the chance to. But he went to school with us and he was Toni and Francis's close friend, Gilbert."

A warmth filled my body as I put the name with the face of the boy from earlier… it was perfect. But I hadn't forgotten to note specifically what Alfred had said to me. "Was?"

"Yeah. He was killed in a really bad car accident a few months ago. The three of them, or as they like to be called, The Bad Touch Trio, were in it, but Gilbert was the only one who didn't make it. He was driving and I think there were loose things in the car and he got stabbed by an umbrella… Don't ask them about it though. Anyway, how'd you know about his penname?"

I opened my mouth, about to spill it, but another gust of wind blew, and though my hat stayed on, I felt a frozen hand clamp around my mouth, cutting off all ability I had to speak and forcing me to breathe through my nose. I resisted the urge to grab at the arm holding onto me, knowing that I would only look insane. Obviously Alfred couldn't see him, because he turned to see why I wasn't answering and looked right through the appendage.

"So?" he questioned impatiently. "Why are you clamping your lips together?"

"Hey! You two coming or not?" Toni called, distracting Alfred, who told him we'd be there in a minute.

"Yeah, so let's do it!"

I didn't know what possessed me to respond the way I did, but I knew I wasn't controlling my own words anymore. I never had been so outspoken. "Actually, I really gotta take a piss, so I'm going to be in the bathroom!" Then, without my consent, my body spun and started to walk away while Alfred gaped at my back, silenced by my sudden outburst.

Halfway to the restrooms, I felt my control be restored and I again could move my own limbs. In front of me stood the boy, Gilbert, examining his nails and leaning on the nearest tree trunk, a serious look of the better-than-thou variety on his face. Silently, he turned towards me and gave me a confident grin, gesturing to his outfit. I was taken aback, a gasp erupting from my throat as I realized he had changed from his winter clothes and was now wearing proper knight clothing, a beautifully carved rapier hanging at his side. He waggled his eyebrows at me.

"The awesome me knows what you like!"

My face reddened again. I hoped he thought it was just due to the freezing wind and not the fact that he was right. He looked extremely handsome in the all white fighter outfit, as embarrassing as it was to admit to myself. I had never really thought of anyone as "beautiful" or "handsome" before, so the feelings were all new to me. This was the first time I had ever bothered to pay attention to someone so closely before.

"Wh-why did you tell Alfred I needed to go to the bathroom?" I asked, hurriedly attempting to change the subject away from what I found attractive.

"So that I could talk with you, duh! It's obvious that he can't see me and the awesome me doesn't like to feel ignored. You're the only one who's been able to see me since the damn accident happened… not even Toni and Francis can. Or ! It's like the whole world went blind to my sexiness!"

I shifted uncertainly in my spot. Did Gilbert know that nobody could see him because he was a ghost? Did he even realize he was dead? I played with the fringe of my scarf, anxiously wondering if I should let him know or keep on letting him believe the world was… what had he said? Blind to his sexiness? I decided it wasn't fair that he didn't know. "G-Gilbert," I started, but then stopped, his name coming weirdly familiar from my lips. When I had gotten over the déjà vu, I continued, "Do you… realize you're… well, not HERE anymore?"

I had been trying to be gentle with it, but instead it had come off as vague, confusing him.

"I'm here! I'm standing right in this spot!"

I shook my head, letting my long hair cover my eyes as I looked at the ground and told him, "That's not what I meant. I mean… In that accident a few months ago… well, you didn't exactly make it. You aren't… alive… anymore."

There was a pause between us for a moment, full of tension, before he burst out laughing. I looked up at him, alarmed. Did he think I was joking with him?

"No shit! The awesome me already knew that that lame car crushed me! But I still want people to be able to hear me and see me, because what would they do without me and my five meters? That's why I was on the IM, but nobody responded to me but you. Saying that I fucked Roderick was to get someone to talk to me! I thought it was Alfred at first, but you two are nothing alike. You're way sexier!"

I paused, noticing something I hadn't before. "But what about the invitation for coming here? You sent it…"

He scoffed and explained, "The awesome me just heard the conversation Toni and Francis were having about IMing you guys to come. I did it first, but there's probably another message up now. I sneak around in everyone's houses while they sleep because it's awesome! Nobody ever wakes up or anything! Well, with you, I can go further than just creep around in your house. I can get into your dreams, like an awesome pedo creeper dude and brainfuck you!"

I didn't like the laugh he gave or the words he was saying. Both sent chills shooting down my spine. So he had made me dream about him last night? He had deliberately gone into my head and changed whatever I had been thinking about? Panic rising, I took a step away from him, shaking from fear rather than the cold. Suddenly, I felt vulnerable, which was exactly what I had always tried to avoid by sitting in my room. I didn't want to let people do these things to me, so I had stayed where no one could ever hurt me. Tears of terror welled up in my eyes and I spun around, trying to run away, but the point was absolutely mute; he was a ghost. He could keep up effortlessly.

Despite the fact he was keeping pace with me, I kept on running until I made it to the car, where I quickly started pulling on the door handle, sniffing up the snot that ran down my face and gasping, only to find it was locked. Just as I was about to call for Alfred (though he probably wouldn't have even heard me) Gilbert had grabbed my arms and spun me around, pressing me against the car, his eyes frantic and his face centimeters away. I had never been much of a talker, due to my shy and bashful nature, but if I was in trouble, I could scream like no one else. I sucked up air, getting ready to shriek, my lungs full to bursting so I could let out a good, long, loud-

And he pressed his icy, dead lips on mine.

The scream died in my throat as he breathed, "I'm sorry… But the awesome me wants you to have his babies."

**:D What an honor for Mattie! Please, tell me how I'm doing ;)**


	4. Stretch

**Sorry it took so long guys... I'm lazy, but extraordinarily busy! Thanks for reading :D**

For a second, all I could do was stare at the egotistical boy pinning me against the car, any possible words gone from my brain completely. Then, as if I were waking up from a weird dream, I started shoving at him, trying desperately to push him off of me before someone noticed me pressed up against Alfred's Mustang. But just as I thought Gilbert was going to move, out of the corner of my eye I saw that my brother was racing up to me. Helplessly, I released my hold on the clothes of my "attacker" and tried to make my position look as natural as possible. But the first words out of Alfred's mouth made me realize that I'd failed at my attempt at nonchalance.

"Dude, what are you doing to my car?"

Gilbert snickered as I hurriedly tried to come up with a sane reason for being in that position. "U-uh… s-stretching?" It came out of my mouth as a question, and I mentally smacked myself for the uncertainty.

Alfred's eyebrows furrowed, whether in disbelief or concern, I couldn't really tell, but he said, "You're really acting weird today. Maybe we should, like, go home now or something. I mean, it's really crazy scary!"

I threw an involuntary glance at Gilbert, who hadn't moved a muscle and was still pinning me, and told him, a little breathless, "Yeah, maybe we should."

He made a noise of displeasure and whined, "Aw, but we just got here and everything!"

Feeling sympathy, I decided that I would be a good person, even if it meant having to put up with… 5MetersofAwesomesauce. "I can just wait in the car if you give me the keys."

His eyes lit up again and he tossed me the keys, saying, "Thanks dude! I was worried about losing those anyway! Try not to drive off in my car though, kay?"

The he raced off, not giving me a chance to answer him, even if I had wanted to. Keys in one hand, I tried to push Gilbert away again, still unsuccessful. "Please," I begged, wishing I was at home. "Please let go of me."

He seemed to consider it before he finally pulled back, giving me room to slide into the car and turn it on, heaters on full blast. Then I pulled myself over to the passenger seat and huddled down in my jacket, closing my eyes and telling myself none of this was really happening and that it was all just an awful dream. When I opened my eyes, I would be at home in my bed, and there would be no Gilbert or skate park or ghosts that only I could see. I would just be warm and comfy, maybe even with a cup of maple coffee sitting on my nightstand, with chocolate and whipped cream on the top. I sighed gently with contentment at the thought, even risked a peek out of one eye.

I was met with a dark red, strong gaze and cocky smile. So it really had happened. He was a ghost, one only I could see, and my brother had dragged me to a skate park when it was freezing and snowy. There was no coffee. And Gilbert could get into my dreams. I pulled my knees up to my chest, feeling like crying again, and looked out the window drearily. I didn't want to be involved with him at all, much less have his babies. He knew as well as I did that two boys couldn't have babies.

"Hey," Gilbert's rough voice cut into the silence.

I turned back to him but said nothing.

"Let's steal the car!" he suggested, sitting in the driver's seat and twisting the keys to start the car.

My eyes went impossibly wide and my heart started pounding heavily as he started to back out. "Gilbert!" I cried in shock, moving to try and stop him. "Don't!"

He gave a short laugh and asked, "Why not? Let's just take it for a little spin! Go to Starbuck's and get some coffee to warm you up!"

Frantic, I told him, "Gilbert, you can't drive the car! You're dead! No one can see you!"

"The awesome me doesn't need to be alive to drive this car!" he replied.

I really didn't want to do this to him, but it was the only thing I could think to say to stop him from leaving. "You died driving a car, Gilbert! Do you want to kill me too?"

Just as I had hoped, this caused him to slam down on the breaks, just in time to not end up on the actual road. I hated how offended he looked, how hurt he seemed, but I exhaled heavily, relieved that I had figured out how to make him stop. I could already see Alfred's face from where we were as he watched "me" drive off with his car, the one he had just specifically told me not to steal. That and I didn't have my license, so it would be illegal for me to drive any car. Quieter than usual, Gilbert backed up, back to the spot where it had been parked earlier. The minute we were back, Alfred, flanked by his two friends, threw open the driver's door, and, finding me on the complete other side of the car, took a shocked step backwards.

I had no choice… I had to pretend like I had done it. They wouldn't believe me if I told them Gilbert was a ghost, just have me admitted into the nearest mental ward. I tried to make my expression guilty instead of terrified. Judging by the way the three boys were looking at me, I hadn't succeeded in that. For a long moment, nobody could say anything. We just stared at each other, our faces masks of shock.

"Uhhh…" I finally said. "Sorry."

That probably would have convinced them it was me if Gilbert hadn't chosen that exact moment to slam the car door shut, his normal smile in place. Like he was trying to play with their minds, he kept opening and closing it repeatedly. Next, he started playing with the windshield wipers and the radio volume, not to mention lowering and raising the heat and pressing the car horn. Then, just as if the car had had a mental breakdown, he stopped everything at once and sat still, giving me a bad boy smile and settling in to watch the show play out before him.

"Dude, my car is like Herbie the Love Bug!" Alfred shouted in excitement. "High five!"

Him and his Spanish friend, Toni, slapped hands with big, goofy grins stretching across their faces. "Now if only it made hot chocolate…" he added, looking at the Mustang curiously, like he expected it to.

Gilbert scoffed at them and turned to me, saying, "They have no idea! But what if the awesome me does _this?_" He reached out toward the radio, which he had turned on earlier, and all of a sudden, it became static instead of music, startling us all. His eyes bright with amusement, he leaned toward it and breathed, "The awesome me will have your souls!"

It was a little unclear playing out on the radio, full of crackling, but it was quite obvious that the message had come through loud and clear. The three of them froze. Alfred gave an awkward laugh of terror, looking mortified.

Francis, having been quiet this whole time, mumbled, "That was G-Gilbert, _non?"_

Toni looked puzzled, his phone in his hand, like he was ready to call for help if he needed it. "_S-Si…_"

"So… I'll see you guys later!" Alfred said, his voice higher than usual. He threw his board into the car and sat down quickly, not realizing that at the moment he was right inside of Gilbert's body. With a shiver, he waved good-bye to his friends and took off, refusing to make eye contact with me.

In fact, he didn't say anything to me until we were back inside the house and he had pulled me into his room. I'd never seen him look so pale, his eyes like bright sapphires in contrast. I tried to stay near the doorway, ready to bolt whenever I possibly could. Anxiously, Alfred started pacing in front of me before he finally spoke frantically.

"Mattie, did you really try to take my car?"

I watched Gilbert, who had gone to lie lazily down on my brother's bed, finding out what it was I could say and what I couldn't. When he waved his hand, I took it as a go ahead. "No."

He paled further, if it was even possible, and sat down, again unaware that he was next to the ghost of his former friend. "C-cool. See ya later!" he said cheerfully, though I could tell he was about to have a freak out, one that most likely involved him crying for his Mommy shrilly and clutching pillows.

I left before he could start and practically ran for my room, relief filling me when I was again surrounded by the familiarity of everything I owned. I had almost forgotten about Gilbert when he spoke again, causing me to jump and whirl around to face him, my heart pounding from surprise.

"You know, once upon a time you and the awesome me were married."

He sounded less cheery than usual, his enthusiastic attitude replaced with a more somber tone. I thought he was trying to trick me again, mess with me in some way, so I ignored him, getting on the computer to see who was on the IMing site. After waiting for it to load, it came up. Nobody was. With a grievous sigh, I spun around in my wheeled chair to face Gilbert again, deciding to let him entertain me with his… tales. "What do you mean?" I asked, prompting him.

"A really long time ago, you were a maple-coated, yummy Canadian princess. I was a sexy, beastial dragon tamer prince from a foreign country, one known as Prussia. Your name was Maddie Williams the Beautiful. I was quite obviously still Gilbert the Great Supreme Overlord of all the Awesome Places and People in the World! One day, you were traveling to my awesome country, and the awesome me to yours. We met along the way and I saw your beautiful big blue eyes, silky hair, pretty dress, and big boobies and fell in love. You saw my sexy outfit, perfect hair, superspecialawesome Gilbird, magnificent rapier, and big dick and fell in love. So we got married, had sex, made some little Gil babies, had some more sex, had some Mattie babies, and lived happily ever after in our new country, which we declared PruCan!"

I felt my face heat up for some reason at his ridiculous tale of our "past". Was this his way of telling he loved me? Trying not to dwell too much on the big boobies and dick comments, I spun away from him and opened up Microsoft Word. Without turning back I asked him, "Can you write down what really happened?"

He laughed, right in my ear, and said, "No, the awesome me is too lazy for that! But I can show you instead!"

The world went black.


	5. Blood and Flame

**Wow guys, sorry it took me so long to get another chapter up! Sheesh, life has been so busy... Thanks for being patient and for reading ;) Oh, and Happy Holidays!**

I opened my eyes again, seconds later, with a start of shock, flinging myself to my feet hurriedly. Where was I? I definitely wasn't in _my_ room anymore. I was in what appeared to be a girl's bedroom, a huge one, with expensive, medieval-looking furnishings hovering all about….and where was Gilbert? I looked around, but he was nowhere to be seen. Anxiously, I paced to the window, to look out and see if there was any possible chance I could ever figure out where this place was and why I was here. What I saw had me gaping in disbelief.

There was a… a HUGE courtyard filled with men dressed as soldiers, the highest ranking one screaming out orders in a loud, booming voice that had me cringing, frightened. In the far distance, I could see a wall, surrounding everything, reminding me of a cage, a prison. I shuttered lightly and backed away, already aware that it had in no way changed my knowledge of my position. Except two things. One, I was inside a castle and two, this was a very vast kingdom. And since, where I lived anyway, no one HAD kingdoms anymore, it felt as if I had been sucked into the past.

Anxiously, I walked around the room, checking out everything. All the items clinging to the walls supported my theory that I had somehow been teleported back to medieval times. As I scanned them, I walked by a mirror, precariously hung from the wall and decorated around the rim with beautiful gold patterns, inlaid with precious stones. I reached out to stroke the trim and froze, realizing with a rising panic that this hand was not my own. My heart racing in my chest, I looked into the mirror for the first time and had to work to keep myself from crying out in surprise.

Staring back at me was the beautiful face of a girl, not older than me, with thick, wheat blonde hair that fell around her shoulders in curling locks, hanging loosely and unburdened by any bows or ties. Her eyes were wide and blue as the sky, rimmed with perfect, dark lashes and, surprisingly, glasses. Her lips, though they were a pretty pink and perfectly shaped, were bent into a shocked frown, like she wasn't pleased to be looking at what she was. She wore a thin, pink dress, one that fell off her shoulders gracefully and accented her curvy figure.

Just as I was about to shriek…maybe faint… in disbelief, a knock sounded at the door, and a motherly voice reached in to the room, saying, "Princess Maddie, please open the door, sweetheart. A letter from Prince Francis has just arrived and he's asked for your hand! We must prepare you immediately for his arrival from the faraway kingdom of Francois!"

I bit my lip in distress and watched the princess across from me do the same. "You may come in," I finally told her, trying to sound formal.

The door squeaked open and a small, round woman entered hesitantly, carrying underneath her arm something that looked way too poofy and lacy to be anything I would ever be interested in wearing. "My Lady, would you come with me so that you may bathe?" she asked, curtsying.

I flushed noticeably. Even if I was mysteriously a GIRL now… I didn't think I could handle… well it'd be extremely…. I didn't really want to… the fact that I would have to take a bath… it was definitely something I could do without. Besides, my hair looked clean enough. I turned toward the mysterious woman, who looked concerned for my mental health and was gesturing out the door, maybe even a little impatiently.

"Um… no, thank you. I'm clean enough, I believe." My thin, shockingly high voice wavered slightly as I brushed off her suggestion.

Her brow furrowed and she protested, "But Princess, surely you don't want to meet a suitor without being as clean as possible? It could make the kingdom of Canada look, well…"

I shook my head and she trailed off, her brown eyes pleading with me to make a different decision. "If this man truly loves me, then it won't matter how I'm dressed or even if I smell a bit."

"While it would be nice if love were involved, dear, this is not about that. My Lady, though you haven't seen him since you were both very young, surely you remember at least the name of your betrothed?"

I started in shock, suddenly frighteningly reminded of the friend of Alfred's, named… Francis… who had been looking at me the way he had. Could this be…? There was no way. I nodded to her, not even bothering to actually act like I DID remember, but just to assure her that I was still listening. She said nothing else, just placed the dress down on my bed and headed for the door, glancing back at where I stood, completely stunned, in the middle of the room.

"Please do get dressed. He'll be here any minute!"

Then she left me to get dressed… alone. Curiously, I made my way over to the mountain of shiny fabric and began digging for any kind of hole that would indicate a limb was supposed to be out through it. After about a frustrating minute full of annoyed muttering, I found what I desperately hoped was the head hole and unzipped the back, yanking the dress on and tripping over the excess that spilled around my feet. When both my arms had gone through some kind of openings and it seemed to be on right, I reached around to pull up the zipper. I found it was lying just out of reach of my fingers, and I angrily pushed my arms back as far as they would go, gasping in pain as one finger finally brushed against the metal. Taking the opportunity, I hurriedly jerked up on it and felt relief flow through my body when I felt it go up easily. With a huge gulp of air, I sat down on the bed, suddenly exhausted.

How did girls DO these things?

When I had caught my breath again, I carefully made my way over to the mirror and stared in awe at what I saw. I had managed to somehow get it on the right way and now, I was staring at a waterfall of thick, shining dark blue satin that fell gracefully from my body as if it were actually water, constantly flowing in motion. It had frills and lace, and was, yeah, a little poofy, but it hugged everything it needed to to emphasize the things it was made for. I was stunned at how large and dark it made my eyes seem, how much like porcelain my skin seemed to be. As I was marveling, the woman came in again, looking pleased that I had at least dressed nice and brushed my hair quickly, tying in a bow as I was dragged down a long, spiraling staircase.

"He's here!" she whispered. "And you look beautiful! Now go make your father proud, sweetie!"

And with that I was forced to walk the rest of the way down the stairs in high heels that had been squished on my feet while trying to avoid stepping on any edges of my dress that might be hanging out dangerously. I clung to the railing unceremoniously, terror outweighing any feeling that I could possibly be forced to develop with this random guy. As I made the way to the bottom, instead of helping me down the rest of the way, he swept a large bow, one hand going underneath him as he said, ina heavy French accent, "My Princess."

I clunked my way to the floor, glad when my feet were finally on solid ground. Breathing a sigh of relief, I shuffled over to where the man was still bowing, trying not cross my arms and demand why he hadn't at least helped me a little. After staring a little while, it occurred to me that I should probably curtsy to him or something like that. I did and he stood up straight, his smile dashing and his long blond hair tied behind him in a ponytail. There was a grin in his blue eyes too when he looked me up slowly, and back down. Then, jerkily, he got down on one knee and took my hand in his, kissed it, and looked up into my eyes. Or at least I HOPED it was my eyes he was looking at.

"Beautiful Maddie, sweet angel, I am Prince Francis of the kingdom Francois, and I come here to ask your delicate hand in marriage. Please," he said, pulling out of his pocket a ring that shone as brightly in the light as the moon, "Will you be my wife?"

I stared at him hard. I didn't even know this guy. Well, I HAD met him, but that had seemingly been in… a future life… so this guy I didn't know in the slightest, yet here he was asking to marry me. It didn't take a genius to figure out this was totally wrong. I took a step away from him, shaking my head slowly back and forth, putting my hands up. "I…" I started.

But I never got to finish, because right then a frantic-looking guard made his way through the massive front doors of the castle shouting in an accented voice, "We're under attack! Fetch the King and Queen, tell them they have come! The Prussians!" And then, just as suddenly as he had come, he was gone.

At first I had believed he was talking to me, telling me to go fetch my parents, but just then a few more guards detached themselves from places where they had been hiding and took off up the staircase. I must have looked terrified, because Francis came and took my arm, now helping me back up from where I had come from, practically pushing me up the steps. We reached the top and he took my hand, his face set in determination.

"You must hide in your room, Princess, before the Prussians get too close. I will protect you with my life!"

Then, just like all the others, he slipped away, running down the steps agilely.

Doing as I was told, I went back to my bedroom, terror striking me and making my blood cold, though this wasn't really happening, It was just the dream that Gilbert was showing me. I kept repeating that to myself over and over as I sat on the bed of the Princess, trying not to dwell on what was happening outside. With every shriek of pain and death, my heart pounded throbbed in dangerous curiosity. I wanted to know… Before I could change my mind, I shot over to the window and looked down onto a bloodbath that could have easily mirrored Hell itself. There were bodies everywhere, men on horses trampling all around and on their fallen warriors as they headed determinedly towards another group of men, ones riding horses coated in dark-colored armor. They were flying the flag of their kingdom high, for everyone to see.

And there, in the front, holding high a sword that shimmered in the fire, the only one wrapped tightly in white armor, was a gray haired boy with burning red eyes that I could see from where I was, brought out by the blood and flame. His smile was broad and vicious, almost a wolf-like, feral snarl as he led his kingdom into battle. Into war. Gilbert.


	6. What IS a PruCan?

**Sorry if this all sounds a bit strange, I'm kind of sleepy today... but thanks for reading anyways! I think u r kewl! (stole that from the Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare just so you know. If you haven't read it, you should!)**

I could hear his cocky laugh from here as he ordered his warriors to do something, something that sounded too much like "burn it to the ground!" In terrified horror, I watched as they raced towards the castle, obviously prepared to do exactly what they had been told. Immediately, the warriors of Canada were there, defending their home, but it was plain to see that there weren't enough. We were being massacred. Cold panic rising in me as the flames began to spread, I flung myself out of my room, threw off the stupid heels, and took off down the stairs, praying desperately that I could get out before any of them reached the castle and silenced me forever.

Just as I reached for the door, it opened.

And I was face to face with the Prussian army.

When they saw me, they seemed remotely surprised, but chuckled coldly and threw their torches down, instantly setting the place ablaze. I heard them talking and joking in their rough German tongue, probably saying something about me as they left the castle, assuming the fire would do its job. Suddenly frozen with fear, I couldn't move a muscle; the flames surrounded me, a burning cage. I couldn't really DIE, could I? After all, this was just a dream. Wasn't it? And… people didn't die in dreams. But as the fire closed in, forcing me up against a wall, brushing against my skin and leaving light burns, I closed my eyes. I WAS going to die.

An involuntary shriek escaped me at the thought and I waited impatiently to be burned alive, telling myself I wasn't really going to be gone forever, that I would wake up from whatever "thing" Gilbert had done to me and be just fine. The smoke had found its way into my lungs, clawing at my throat every time I breathed, causing me to cough painfully. I opened my eyes one last time, the heat of the fire causing them to water, and saw what looked like two bright pools of blood before, succumbing to the dizziness in my head, I lost consciousness.

* * *

"Hey, wake up, Princess! The awesome me commands it!"

The voice was gruff and had a rude hint to it, but was definitely familiar. Apparently I wasn't moving fast enough for him though, because before I could even open my eyes, he had drenched me with what seemed to be a bucketful of water and yelled the same thing he had just said, only louder and with more force. Before he could have the excuse to do it again, I sat up spluttering out the water I had gotten in my mouth and giving him a reproachful look. I wiped my face with the bottom of my fancy dress, not caring that I wiped off all the makeup I had been wearing onto it. When I finally stopped moving around, we stared at each other silently, considering. He looked just as wet as I was, his hair dripping and his clothes soaked through. There was evident amusement in his eyes as I glared up at him.

"For a second the awesome me thought I would have to KISS you awake! Too bad for you that you woke up already!" he sneered.

I blinked a few times before asking, hesitantly, "G-Gilbert?"

He looked a little surprised for a moment before shouting, "That's Prince Gilbert the Great Supreme Overlord of all the Awesome Places and People in the World to you!"

A sigh of relief escaped my lips. This was definitely still the same guy that I had been hanging out with. Still curious, I asked, "Why are you all wet too? You didn't have water dumped on you."

I was amazed as he began to stutter a little and blushed pink, obviously thrown off by the question. "I-I… It rained! As I pulled you out of the fire and raced you off on my horse, it started raining! Y-yeah! Enough about my heroicness, we need to bring you back to my kingdom so I can make you property of the awesome me!" he mumbled quickly, yanking me off the ground and onto his horse with such force, I thought for sure I was going to go crashing back down.

Uncomfortably, I shifted so that he COULDN'T look up my dress and watched as he gracefully swung himself up onto the horse in one movement. He had never really struck me as the kind of guy who would ride a horse, but this WAS the medieval times, so there weren't cars. Besides, it was much less likely to get in a horse accident than a car accident. With a swift jerk of the reins, we were flying down the side of a long, winding river, one that stretched endlessly through a thick of looming mountains in the distance. It was surprisingly green here, for their seeming addiction to fire and was actually rather… beautiful. Not that Canada hadn't been, it was just that Prussia seemed to have a distinct careless and worry-free feel to it.

The trip to his kingdom was a short one, the river ending up going straight through the heart of it and down the center of the village where all the peasants lived. As we rode in, all the people attending to their daily lives froze and turned, then bowed before their prince and, well, apparently, their ruler. It made me wonder what had happened to his dad, the king. Gilbert's smile was terrifying as he watched them all fall to their knees before his power, his face overly obnoxious and confident. Their gazes never lingered on him for too long before shifting to me, some expressions curious while others didn't even dare to make the slightest eye contact with either of us. I could see the massive castle looming in misty darkness, way in the background, in between two towering mountains, and wondered just exactly what kind of "monarchy" this prince was running.

A click of his booted heels got the tired horse moving slightly faster and we rode off, up onto a stereotypical drawbridge that led directly into the castle grounds, where many servants were anxiously awaiting the arrival of their beloved ruler. When they saw him ride up, there was an almost tangible sense of relief in the air, like they had seriously been worried about him not coming back to them. It even showed in their faces. I wondered if he had ordered them to pretend to be concerned about him. Or maybe he was actually a good prince? I didn't know if it was possible.

He hopped off his steed the moment we were fully inside castle walls, taking the reins and leading me, still sitting side saddle on the animal, to the stable, ignoring the bustling people that were all around him, trying to get his attention. It sort of reminded me of the paparazzi attacking a star. He even looked disgruntled by the swarm, like at any moment he was about to pull out his sword and slash them into tiny, bloody pieces. Just as the thought crossed my mind, he spun on them, shouting in German harshly, evidently telling them to buzz off, only in not so nice words. They all but ran away with their tails between their legs, leaving the two of us alone again. We made it to our destination and he helped me down, then gave the horse to the stable guy and took my hand, leading me out into the empty courtyard with his evil smile back in place.

"Say hello to your new home, the awesome me's great kingdom of Prussia! Pretty sexy, huh?"

He pulled on my arm again, dragging me inside. "But…" I muttered nervously, remembering something. "When you told me the story earlier, you said that we made a country together, the country of PruCan, not that I became part of your kingdom. What happened to that?"

Obviously puzzled, he looked down at me but kept on walking, not seeming to care where he was going. "Told you a story earlier? You were unconscious earlier and the awesome me said nothing about PruCans. What IS a PruCan?"

Embarrassed, I explained, "PruCan is the beginning of Prussia and the beginning of Canada put together… so you don't remember saying that to me at all before you… knocked me out, I guess."

His expression was mystified, his eyes wide in the first honest look of wonder I had ever seen on his face before. It was like I was speaking a foreign language to him, which, evidently, I was, but it went deeper than the words I was saying. He understood English well enough. It was just that he truly didn't remember meeting me. For him, this was still the real time, his era of living. So Gilbert hadn't transported himself to his former body, yet had sent me to take over Maddie. I had a feeling he was watching this scenario play out somewhere right now, laughing at me for being so slow to understand. Somewhere deep inside, I wanted to stick my tongue out at him, but if I did that, medieval Gilbert would probably take that as something it shouldn't be taken as.

Shrugging off my weirdness, he pulled me inside the castle, where we were met by a team of very strangely determined looking maids. Were all his employees thrilled about their jobs? If they were, then why? With a short bark of commands from their prince, I was taken to a room, stripped, bathed, and re-clothed in a dress that was way scantier than my first had been (my eyes closed the whole time) then brought into a huge room and told to do something in German, something that almost sounded like "sit." So I made my way to one of the armchairs and sat down, taking in my surroundings as I waited for whatever was about to happen next.

That turned out to be Gilbert coming in, looking clean and handsome in his military uniform, only without the armor. His hair was sticking up haphazardly, as if he hadn't bothered to brush it, and there was no smile on his face. Just a sensitivity to his eyes that both fascinated and terrified me, the light hitting them so that they almost seemed… warm. The silence that hung between us was thick as we looked at each other, wonderingly. Then a grin that was shockingly like a grimace stretched across his face slowly.

"PruCan, huh? You wanna make a country with me? Then we'll do it. But only if you become the awesome me's wife and have some of my gilbabies! And I still get to be Prince Gilbert the Great Supreme Overlord of all the Awesome Places and People in the World! You can be Mrs. Supreme Overlord!" he exclaimed, gesturing wildly.

Looking at his excitement and how happy he seemed, I realized now why the modern Gilbert had sent me here. I didn't know if this was really the past or if he was totally making this stuff up because being dead was boring, but he had wanted me to see how he really felt about me. I smiled warmly at the spazzing teenager in front of me, seeing so much of the Gilbert I knew in this one.

"Wait," I said, putting a hand up and causing him to freeze. "Is this your really weird way of proposing to me?"

He stared at me blankly for a moment before starting to grumble, getting down on one knee, and whistling. I watched with humor as a little yellow bird flew in, dropped something in his hands, and landed on his head, squawking loudly the whole while, even when he had found his perch. Looking faintly abashed by the whole situation, he didn't seem to think about what he was saying before he spat out, "The awesome me wants you to have his babies!"

I couldn't help but laugh.


	7. Gilcoma

**Wow guys, sorry it's taking me so long to write this stuff! I'm just slowly growing more and more lazy... but here it is :D Thanks for reading and that goes double for those who review! You guys are my inspiration! Wow, that couldn't have sounded cornier ;)**

"So?" he mumbled gruffly. "Will you?"

I pretended to think about it a little, just to put him on edge. I could almost see the tension rolling off his body in waves as he watched me fake consider the proposal. His eyes were bright, eager, and he was completely stiff, barely moving to breathe as he looked up at me. After I thought he'd had enough stress, I gave him a pleasant smile and curtsied.

"As you wish… Your Highness." I was starting to get used to the old timey way of phrasing things.

He seemed taken aback momentarily, before he gave a barky laugh and stood up straight, puffing out his chest. "Hahahaha! As I wish! Because I'm the boss here, so you have to do what the awesome me wants! That's what the Supreme Overlord gets to do! Now let's go get married!"

I raised an eyebrow. "Right now? Don't you want to wait and plan a big wedding that your whole kingdom attends?"

He grabbed my hand and pulled me into his arms, saying, "The awesome me doesn't want to wait! Hey!"

Just then, a priest chose to walk right in front of us. I wondered if that was planned or pure coincidence. The Father turned as his prince ordered him to marry us here and now and shrugged, taking out a book and starting to read wedding vows… or something along the lines of that. Before I could really process what it was that was happening, Gilbert had pulled me up in his arms and kissed me in a very sweet manner, especially for him. Just as I was starting to think he was growing softer and a little more mature, he had to go and ruin it with his next words.

"And now it's time for the honeymoon! Let's go make some GILBABIES!"

I struggled in his grip pointlessly. "B-but Gilbert, where are we going for our honeymoon?"

He didn't even think before telling me, "My room," with utter seriousness.

I couldn't stop my eyes from widening as I registered immediately what this meant. Suddenly terrified out of my mind, I looked up to the "sky", hoping that the real Gilbert was listening as I pled with my eyes to get out of here. There was no way… absolutely no way I could… As he moved toward his room, my heart began to pound, beating in fear and nervousness. Feeling faint, I sputtered, trying to tell him to stop, to put me down, that we could married some other time for real and then have a honeymoon somewhere else, but it was obvious by the devious looks he gave me there was no way I was getting out of this, no matter how much I tried. To him, this WAS real life and we WERE married. My resolution weakening, he purred sweet, calming things in my ear as we entered his room and he placed me on his bed.

His room was exactly what I had pictured; huge, almost like a living room, and decorated finely, as were most rooms for royalty. But it was hard to focus on my surroundings when I was being loomed over by a fierce, wild prince like Gilbert, who obviously wanted my full attention by the way he kissed me. Right then, looking at the way he was absolutely glowing, I decided to let him take me, even if I wasn't even really Princess Maddie. It wasn't like he knew that. Relaxing in his grip, I let my eyes flutter shut and I was plunged into an unexpected darkness that had me out cold.

"Did you do it yet?" I murmured softly, waking up, my eyelids heavy as I lifted them. My blue eyes were met with an almost identical pair.

"Do what?" said the slightly cracking voice of my brother.

"EEEEP!" I shrieked, flying backwards in my bed, pulling the sheets over me. "Alfred?"

"Uh, yeah? Who else? I came in here and found you passed out on the floor, so I stuck you in bed and called Mom. She said she'd be here in a few minutes. Dude, what happened?"

Anxiously, I looked around and was met with the familiarity of my room staring back at me. For a second I was relieved, but as I kept glancing around, I realized something was missing. Not just something, but someone, the certain someone who had shoved me into that crazy world in the first place and then ditched me there. After a minute of pondering, I remembered that Alfred had asked me a question that I had never answered, but…. what had he asked again? Shaking my head, praying that answered the question, I clasped my hands together in my lap. Where was Gilbert? Had he really just shown me that so he could make his grand escape? I felt my heart clench at the thought. Why had I ever let him get so close to me?

Alfred felt my forehead with a look of brotherly concern. "You don't remember? It doesn't feel like you have a fever… Maybe just a weirdo fainting spell?"

"Actually," I found myself muttering, "It was more of a… Gilcoma."

His eyes widened, his blue eyes pools of confusion and a slight bit of pain. "A… Gilcoma? That sounds exactly like something Gilbert would have said… wait, why did you call it that?"

I shook my head again, not really intending on answering. There was no way I could explain that I'd been seeing the ghost of his dead friend everywhere I went without making myself look crazier. Just as he was about to ask something else, Mom tore into the room, looking honestly worried about me as she came over to my bed and knelt down next to it, running a hand through my hair and staring up at me.

"Oh, my poor baby! What happened, honey? Are you hurt? When Alfred called, he said you were still unconscious." She turned to my brother. "How long was he out?"

"Hmm, well… I came in like, half an hour ago… so at least that long," he answered.

I stared back at myself in the reflection my mother's glasses put out, seeing the hectic shine in my eyes, the spots of red across my face, fading blush. My mother had never seemed this worried for me before, and I had always been sure that, if the day came when she was, I would enjoy being pampered and stressed over. But, as I looked past myself into the depths of her azure eyes, I could see the fakeness, the lies, the hatred for me… I had been a mistake. She'd told me so herself, once. I had broken a marriage with my birth, because if she had never gotten pregnant with me, Alfred's father never would have known. And now… now she was pretending to actually care for me like a mother should. And yet, her effort to pretend to love me… well, it just hurt me all the more.

"Leave me alone," I told her, my jaw set. "Go back to work; I know that's what you want to do. Don't pretend to care. Just leave me alone."

She seemed astonished, taken off guard by my words. "Matthew Williams, I came all the way home to see if you were okay! I gave up good work hours for you, hours I could be using to earn the money I need to support our family! You're just hallucinating," she explained, more to reassure herself than me.

With a sigh, I gave into her will, let her bend me like I always did. "You're right… I'm just going to sleep for awhile, I guess. I'm sorry I took up your time, but I'm fine, so you can get back to work now."

"There's a good boy!" She kissed my cheek and stood, brushing off her work clothes. "Goodbye, sweethearts, I'll be back tonight! Dinner's in the fridge Alfie, make sure Mattie gets some!" Then she left without another word, going to pull herself back through the knee-deep work she had.

Alfred and I just stared at each other, silently, both of us thinking deeply.

"So, guess what dude?" Alfred exclaimed excitedly, out of nowhere.

I jumped, but made a questioning noise.

"I'm going to England! Woohoo, British people! I saved up money from my job and now I have enough to finally go meet Arthur! But wait, that's not even the best part! Guess who's coming with me? YOU! I have enough for both of us!"

In utter horror, I looked at his hyperly twitching face. "You have that much money and we still are having issues paying the bills? Why don't you give Mom a break and use your money for something that can help us all instead of just you?" I asked quietly, afraid of how he would react.

"Because…. Because…. England looks so cool, though!" he complained, putting on a whiny tone. "Look, wait here! I'll show you! Don't move!" He streaked out of the room like he was on steroids.

I had no idea where he was expecting me to go, but I did what he instructed and didn't move. The minutes ticked by, and there was still no sign of him. Only the sound of him tearing through his bedroom wildly made me not go to check on him. Just as I was starting to wonder if he'd gotten lost in his closet again, he came in empty-handed, cheeks flushed and panting heavily.

"Um, were you going to show me something?" I wondered as he looked at me strangely.

"Oh, uh, I was going to show you something? Crap… well, so much for pretending to be Alfred to mess with you! The awesome me, sadly, isn't a mind reader!"

"Gilbert!" I exclaimed in surprise. "Where were you?"

His face darkened. "I used up a lot of energy telling you that story, so the awesome me lost my visible apparition form… But don't worry, it's temporary!" he assured me, although he didn't seem too confident in that fact himself.

"But wouldn't possessing someone take up even more energy?" I asked him, worried.

"Well… yeah, but there something that the awesome me needs to ask of you before I go and rest for awhile!"

"Yes?"

He stuck his hands in my brother's hoodie pockets and jutted out his bottom lip in a pout. "Could you… maybe go and visit my gravesite? It doesn't even have to be a long trip or anything, but it would be… awesome. I haven't really had anyone visit me in a long time and I think it's about time somebody paid their respects by bowing down to the former awesomeness that was my glorious body!" he tried, though the energy wasn't in it.

For once, he was being totally serious.

I nodded, at first hesitantly, but then I gained more confidence in the movement. "I'll do it now, if you want me to."

He gave me a lopsided grin, said, "I'm at Rivercreek Cemetery. But don't go there until my apparition returns, kay? When the awesome me comes back, we can go there together! Tomorrow!"

"I'll stop by after school tomorrow if I see your ghost, right?"

"That's right! The awesome me is gonna bother you at school! Bye!"

And then he faded out, leaving my brother unconscious in my doorway. I walked over and leaned down, checking Alfred's pulse just to be sure he was okay. His heart seemed to be beating normally, so I decided I would go make dinner for the two of us before he woke up. I took out what Mom had left for us and stared at it a bit before throwing it out and going to the cupboard to find something NOT coated in mold. If Alfred had made dinner, he would have just eaten it and tried to feed it to me. It made me glad he was passed out and I silently thanked Gilbert for saving me from another bout of food poisoning.

As I waited for the oven to heat up, I leaned against the counter and carefully closed my eyes with an unexpected urge to pray to whoever was out there watching over everyone.

'Please let me see Gilbert again… I think I may...I may love him.'


	8. Gilangel

**Tell me what you think! :D**

The next day was horrible for me; I couldn't wait to see Gilbert again, and when he hadn't shown up to bug me by the time lunch came around, I started to get nervous. What if he hadn't been able to reform himself? What if he was wrong and rest wouldn't make it better? How could he rest if he was a ghost? All these things buzzed around annoyingly in my head like bees, stinging me with the frightening truths that could end up answering them. I spent the rest of the day just as inattentive as I spent the beginning, for the first time not taking notes or paying attention, which I knew would come back to bite me in the butt later. All I could think about was Gilbert.

Walking into my sixth hour, I could feel myself break out in a sweat, despite the frigidity outside. I sat down and wiped my forehead, my eyes scanning the room quickly, searching for a pair of red eyes staring back at me, but finding nothing. My heart sunk and I tried not to look like I was about to cry when other people came in, sitting down all around me. Luckily, they ignored my existence as usual and just talked to each other, not caring in the slightest about anyone but themselves and their friends, so I was in the clear as I took one more glance around and then put my head down on my desk in defeat.

I had no clue what we learned that hour, just like the rest of them, and when the bell rang, I took my assignment and left, headed towards home, seeing as he had told me not to come until he was around. I half expected him to be outside my sixth hour door, leaning against a wall, a snarky smile in place just for me, but it was just as empty as it had been before. I padded on miserably, headed for Alfred's car. He was already inside, the engine rumbling as he waited for me, and I took a seat next to him, looking behind for him as he backed up. My eyes widened massively. Gilbert was laying there… in a… strange way… on the trunk. I couldn't help the yelp of surprise that I gave as he waggled his eyebrows.

"Gilbert!"

Alfred slammed on the breaks, cutting off another car and earning a honk. "Dude! What the heck was that?" he cried, but I only heard half of what he was saying.

I was out of the car and gone, running away with Gilbert close behind me, who was laughing his head off at what he had just caused me to cause. As we started to slow, a good distance away now, I felt Gilbert slide his icy fingers in mine, taking my hand. Shocked, I looked over at him, only to find that something was weird… it was a part of his arm. A small part of his upper arm was covered, very poorly, I had to say, with a bandage I was sure hadn't been there yesterday. While he wasn't paying attention, I reached over and yanked it off, only to find nothingness staring back at me. A whole chunk of his arm was… completely gone.

"G-Gilbert?" I stuttered, running my hand across the blank spot. "What happened?"

His eyes, gentle and sad, looked down on me, running the length of my body before going back to my face. "Well, the awesome me DID regenerate, like I said I would, but… a part of my arm decided to disappear instead of coming back! No big deal, that arm chunk was so not awesome anyway!"

All the color drained from me, turning me nearly as pale as my ghostly counterpart. "B-but Gilbert…" I started worriedly.

He squeezed my hand gentle and gave me a fierce smile. "Don't 'But Gilbert' the awesome me! I'm fine! See, I can even hold your hand! One little arm chunk CANNOT DETER MY SEXINESS!"

With a heavy sigh on my part, we walked hand in hand the rest of the way to the graveyard where Gilbert was buried, which was surprisingly close by the school. He led me over to where his gravestone was and pushed me towards it, saying that he was going to leave me alone so that I could pay my respects without feeling as if I was being loomed over. I turned to watch him go, so that I was sure he really WAS gone, before kneeling down and running my hand over the hard, frigid marble that was the only reminder of who Gil had once been.

"Gilbert Beilschmidt," it read, "Born: January 18, 1993 Died: January 21, 2010. '_Mai der Gott wartet auf Sie nach oben in Himmel. Ruhen Sie in Frieden.'"_

I had no idea what it said, but I was sure it was nice and meant to invoke peacefulness, and I recognized "_Gott" _as "God," which only proved more that these people had hoped he would go to Heaven. My heart got heavier as I realized the fact that I could see him now meant that he hadn't made it yet… if he ever would. Suddenly, my head was pounding as I continued to stare, those words probably going to be burnt into my brain for the rest of my life. He hadn't made it. I had watched a lot of ghost shows on my lonely Saturday nights, and had learned enough from them to recognize the signs of a roaming spirit, searching aimlessly for the one thing that would help them pass on to the "other side." That meant one thing; Gilbert was still searching for something. And I was going to do all I could to help him find it.

It happened to many spirits, really. There were so many ghosts who were lost and confused, some who thought that they were still living even. It wasn't unusual… but what was it that he needed? What would trigger God opening his arms and taking Gilbert up into Heaven to be an angel? I smiled sadly to myself, imagining him in a white robe with snow-colored wings and a glowing golden halo hovering above his mess of gray hair. He'd be the perfect angel to tick everyone living in Heaven off. With my eyes closed, I could see the image vividly in my mind, so brightly, in fact, that I started murmuring to him, the Gilangel, asking him what… what had he done to become one of Heaven's inhabitants?

I wasn't really expecting an answer, so it didn't surprise me when I opened my eyes to the cold, snowy day and everything looked just as it had before. Out of nowhere, the wind picked up, throwing everything around with its might. Maybe it was my imagination, or maybe the sudden gale, but I could have sworn the word "you" floated through the air, my ears barely catching the faint whisper.

"Me?" I asked nobody.

"Yeah, you! It's getting cold and dark, and, being a gentleman, the awesome me doesn't want his Mattie frozen and hard. I prefer my sexy Canadians HOT and hard!"

I started and turned around as I was yanked off the ground by the hood of my jacket and pulled into the icy body of the man I had just been imagining as an angel. It was a little difficult to see any angel qualities when he was acting like he always did, but I knew somewhere, deep down, he was capable of being good. He was just hiding it, since he was born to be a bad boy and all. Feeling that my time with him was growing limited, I let him hold me, even reached out to put my arms around him, too. Just as I was getting relaxed and used to his embrace, he gave my butt a rough squeeze and pulled me into his arms like a woman, causing me to cry out and flush scarlet. With an evil laugh, he took off towards my house, getting there in no time flat.

Walking in the door, I turned and asked, "How are you able to touch me without going through? I thought ghosts went through everything."

"Because I can. I have the rare gene of awesome running through my veins, therefore can do things that normal ghosts can't. Like, the awesome me can still eat food! I don't taste it and I'm not sure where it goes, but that isn't important! I can still do it!"

An involuntary spurt of poorly held back laughter made its way through my lips and I smiled, turning just in time to run straight into a pair of moderately sized boobs. I pulled back quickly, my face flaming up as I turned to see whose cleavage I had just accidentally touched. Of course it was obvious when I realized who it was glaring down at me. The only woman in the house was Mom. As I saw the fury in her expression, I started to back away, only to have her grab my arm and start tapping her heeled leather boot on the ground.

"Who is that you were just talking to, Matthew Williams?" she asked, her voice as frigid as ice water.

"U-uh…" I stuttered, trying my hardest not to look over at Gilbert's expression. "Nobody."

She nodded slowly, her lips pursed. "Really? Because it didn't SOUND like you were talking to nobody. In fact, it seemed as if you were having a wonderful conversation, especially when you came in laughing like that."

Scared, I tried to pull my arm back and run, but her grip was steely as she held me in place. "Y-yes ma'am. I was just talking to my imaginary friend…" I cried out softly as she dug her fingernails into my skin.

"Imaginary FRIEND? You are sixteen years old, young man. You do NOT have an imaginary friend." When she saw the pain in my eyes, she released her pit bull-like grip and softened her tone. "Sorry, baby. Listen, Alfred called me and told me what you did when he was about to drive you both home. He said that you shouted, "Gilbert!" and then took off running. He also informed me that Gilbert is the name of a dead friend of his, who just recently passed away, and that you'd been talking about him for a few days now, without ever having met him. Mattie… have you been seeing this boy lately?"

Seeing? What did she mean by seeing? Like, seeing with my eyes or…. SEEING, as in dating? Just to be safe, I nodded and she completely let go of me, looking sternly into my face.

"And Gilbert…. He talks to you? And you talk to him?"

I nodded again, risking checking to see if Gilbert was still there, or if he had taken off. He had moved a little, taken a seat on our couch, but he was still there, watching the scene play out with feigned disinterest in the topic. I could see from the tenseness in his body that he really cared how I answered all of her questioning. My mom took a step away, her hands on her temples, massaging them slowly with her pointer fingers.

"I guess I only have myself to blame for never being there for you…," she mumbled to herself. "Okay," she said, switching to me, "Here's what I think we should do about this, honey. I'm going to hire someone that you can talk to, that you can tell everything you see to so that he can make Gilbert leave you be, alright? Actually, let me go do that now…"

A THERAPIST? She was going to hire me a THERAPIST? I was so stunned with disbelief that all I could do was stutter helplessly as she went to get the phone. Before she could pick it up, I woke up and went back into action, sprinting across the room and slamming my hand over it, blocking her way as she looked at me in surprise.

"M-Mom!" I cried, wishing my voice wasn't so feeble and terrified-sounding. "You can't call a therapist for someone who isn't crazy! I'm not just making Gilbert up in my head! He was a real person and now he's a ghost, one who has come to me to help him get to Heaven instead of roaming the Earth aimlessly for the rest of eternity! Please, Mom, you have to believe me! I-I-I-I… Lo-" I stopped myself, short, my face burning as I realized that I was about to scream to my mother that I was in love with a ghost, nothing more than the spirit of someone that had once lived.

Her eyes were confused, her mind obviously split between calling me a psycho and admitting there really were ghosts. "You what, Matthew?"

I had to get the courage, I had to… I just had to say it... "I love Gilbert!" Wow… had I actually said that? Out loud?

That was the last straw for Mom. With a heart-wrenching 'click', she pulled the phone off the wall, moving my hand, and began to dial.


	9. Weeping Willows

**Sorry this one's a little shorter guys ;) Thanks for reading and reviewing, nicely of course :D**

"Mom… Mom wait!" I begged, just as Alfred came out of his room. "Please don't… I'm not crazy!"

He studied the scene in shock, looking from our mom, to me, to the dreaded phone she was holding in her hands, fingers frozen over the "talk" button as she stared at me sadly. "Uh, what's going on, guys?"

Mom glanced over at him and patiently said, "Go back to your room, Alfie, sweetie. I'm taking care of something right now, okay?"

Feeling painfully desperate, I couldn't help but start to cry and long for Gilbert to be able to comfort me without it being weird and wrong. He was looking at me from his spot on the couch, red eyes blazing furiously as my mother pressed down and brought the phone up to her ear, but making no move to come over and help me in any way, and that made it just a little more upsetting. Alfred came over to me instead, pulling me into a brotherly hug and giving our mother a "what the heck do you think you're doing?" face.

"Hello?" Mom asked as someone picked up the other line. "Um, who is this?"

What a strange question when she was the one who had called THEM…

"Someone you're going to wish you chose to believe in, bitch!" I heard Gilbert yell from the couch, and I could tell that he had done something to take over the phone line. "Turn around and tell the awesome Mattie you're sorry right now! And don't forget to tell him… I love him too."

Outraged, she stared at the phone in disbelief. "What's going on? Who is this?"

"The awesome Gilbert, that's who! Now tell Mattie! Not that he can't hear me, since I'm on your couch, but still!"

She turned pale, turning towards the couch slowly. There, cocky grin in place, arms crossed across his chest, looking much like an avenging angel, was Gilbert. And, somehow, I got the feeling that I wasn't the only one who could see him anymore, especially when Alfred went limp then rubbed his eyes and opened them again, really wide.

"GILBERT?" he gasped, shocked.

So he hadn't believed me either.

Mom was frozen in shock, her mouth partially open and one finger outstretched, pointing shakily at the boy on her furniture. "Y-Y-You…" she barely got out.

"Yes! The awesomely awesome ME! In PERSON!" He did a little dance and came up to me, pulling me out of the lifeless arms of my brother and taking me into his. Into my ear whispered, "I think I've made my point! Let's go back to YOUR room!" casting it loud enough so that everyone could hear.

Unless that was unintentional…

"Y-You are NOT going to your room with him, young man!" my mom yelled, trying to be strict, but so far in shock her voice had no power to it.

Alfred hadn't moved since he'd seen Gilbert.

Gilbert just laughed at Mom's attempts to control me and order me around.

And I… I could say nothing. Nobody, not even in this situation, cared what I wanted.

Then, suddenly, I was being yanked into my room by my ghost boyfriend who had somehow become "living" again and followed by my mother, who looked like she was out for my blood AND Gilbert's. I could see in the living room, Alfred was still frozen like a perfect statue, even his eyes remote and empty, uncomprehending.

"G-Gilbert…" I tried, struggling to pull away from him, but it was no use. He pulled me into my room and pinned me down on my bed easily, like he was staging a scene that would piss my mom off particularly and kissed me, his warm, living lips giving me a slight shock. "Mmmmph…" I muttered, trying to push him off. Turning my head to the side, I asked, breathlessly, "Wh-what are you doing?"

This time, he listened and pulled back. "I figured out how to appear realistic for just a little while, because I'm awesome, and I'm taking advantage of it! Unfortunately, this IS going to cost me later, so… Let's get to it!" He was back to kissing me, not letting any of the millions of questions I had spew from my mouth.

Was he stupid? It was obvious when he said it would cost him that he'd end up with a missing leg or… or… an eye or something! And he was wasting it on KISSING me, something he could already do as a ghost! Not that this kiss wasn't better… But I was willing to have all the frozen-lipped kisses in the world from him, as long as I got to have him forever. Now it was like I could feel him slowly dissipating, piece by piece, every time he opened his scarlet eyes and looked down at me. Staring into their depths, I let my mind roam aimlessly, wondering about small details, random things like why my mother hadn't burst into the room, how long Gilbert could stay like this, if, after using so much power, Gilbert would go to Heaven and what I would do if he did. They all were buzzing around in my head, just as questions always did for me.

Suddenly, his whole body went completely rigid and he pulled himself off of me, leaping away from the bed and falling backwards onto his butt, sliding against a wall. "Damn…" he groaned, holding his side. In curious terror, he brought his hands back slowly.

Nothing. He was completely whole.

"The a-awesome me thought I'd have longer…" Gilbert mumbled, pushing back sweaty hair and grimacing. "Y-you… stay here. I'll b-be back… later…" For a moment, his breathing faltered and stopped altogether, but just as I was about to freak, he took a huge breath, gave me a characteristic smile and yelled, "Count on it!"

Then he completely disappeared before even MY eyes.

"Gilbert…" I whispered, a tone of melancholy to my voice that even I could hear. "Thank you for saving me."

Just as I expected, there was absolutely no response. He was gone.

More tired than I had ever been before, I curled up on my bed and tried to fall asleep, tried not to think too much of the terrible day I'd had, tried not to imagine what Mom was going to do to me tomorrow. Of course, it was a useless attempt and I lay there all night, watching for Gilbert to come back. Every time he left, he always came back and told me he would. He would keep good on his promise. He had too. Miserably, I put my hands on my face in desperation, trying not to cry. Why had this happened to me?

The morning came too soon, another sleepless night gone by. Hungry, I came out of my room, only to find a note on the table, one written by Mom. I was overly exhausted and didn't know if I could take being screamed at by her, so I stuck it in my pocket and saved it for later, grabbing some waffles and shoving them in the toaster. While I was waiting for them to pop, I heard my brother's bedroom door squeak open and he hesitantly walked into the kitchen, coming to stand next to me.

"Sup?"

"I'm making waffles," I explained right as they popped up. I gathered them onto my plate, grabbed my maple syrup, and sat down, watching as Alfred grabbed some cold Pop-Tarts.

Sitting down, he launched me a fifty-watt smile and said, "Oh, dude! You're never going to believe the terrible dream I had last night! It was so freaking creepy!"

My voice no more than a mumble, I said, "Maybe it was because of what happened yesterday? With Gilbert?"

Instantly his eyes went blank, and his smile faded. "Whoa, how'd you know what my dream was?" Then, just as easily as his excitement had been brought down, it flew back up. "Are, like, some Canadian psychic or something? SWEET!"

Confused, I shook my head. "No, I was talking about yesterday, when Mom tried to send me to a therapist and Gilbert stopped her. That wasn't a dream; it really happened."

"Dude, now you're starting to creep me out! That was all in the dream too! Maybe you ARE psychic!"

Losing patience with him quickly, I found myself snapping at him uncharacteristically. "Would you SHUT UP? It wasn't a dream, Alfred! IT WAS REAL! I'm not psychic, I was there! Gilbert really is my b-b… friend, and I l-lo… like him a lot! Please… believe me." All the earnest words I gave were deaf to his ears.

He just kept looking at me stupidly, disbelieving of the truth. I hated him sometimes, and now was definitely one of them. Furious, I shoved the last piece of waffle in my mouth and stormed off after washing my dish off and putting it in the dishwasher carefully. In my room, I pulled on some new clothes and barely gave a second glance at my hair, all the while whispering curses under my breath. It didn't help my mood when I remembered the note and pulled it out, scanning her vile words quickly.

_I've called the therapist. You have an appointment today at 3:30. I'll pick you up._

So… everything Gilbert had done for me… was for NOTHING? He could be gone forever. Losing any miniscule patience I had, I took my fury out on a pillow.

The next few months were like the bane of my existence, like being sent into purgatory for the rest of my life, which, instantly, made me think of Gilbert, who hadn't shown up since the day he'd saved me. I didn't sleep at night… I barely ate… All I could think about was him coming back to me, just to say goodbye. He'd never been gone this long before, not since the day we met, and I was starting to lose all faith in the hope that he was still here, on Earth. My mom was furious with me, due to the fact that I was too afraid of everything to even talk to the therapist she had taken me to and that I knew he'd try to convince me I had imagined everything.

Sometimes, even I wondered if that was true.

When I felt the most anxious, I would go and visit Gilbert's grave, just to sit by it. I always felt better there, like he was closer to me, maybe even watching over me from Heaven. That's where I was today, running my hand across the cool marble, as I had the first time I'd come here. It was almost summer now, and the Weeping Willows made surprisingly good cover from the sun's burning rays, with only one strand of heated light catching the stone in front of me, causing it to glow a warm silver.

"Gilbert…" I murmured without reason. "Where are you now? Are you in Heaven, with the rest of the angel children? Please tell me you are… it would make me feel so much better to know you aren't suffering." I closed my eyes, a warm wind blowing my face, so much in contrast to the icy one that had taken my hat from me so long ago and had introduced me to love that I shivered despite the temperature. "I want you to come back and say goodbye." My voice was set, determined. "You promised me you'd come back. You told me to count on it… and I have been. I don't like to think you're gone from me… so, if you're listening, just come back and say goodbye."

I stood up just as the cicadas started to wail their lulling cries.


	10. Apune

**Again, sorry about the shortness of it, but i think, in order to keep the fic alive longer, i'm going to diminish the length every chapter, though not by too much ;) I kind of based the first chunk off my own life, because I'm sick now (bleh...), so if anything sounds strange, it's because i'm dillusional! Thanks for reading, guys! Happy almost MLK jr. Day!**

I lay in bed panting, gasping, shivering with the freezing flames of fever that were engulfing me. It had come on so suddenly… yesterday I had been perfectly healthy, and then… this. My head was pounding and weighed a ton when I tried to lift it from the pillow, so I decided it would be best to stay where I was. I could feel my throat tightening, swelling closer and closer to shut every minute, which scared me more than anything. If I started suffocating, who was here to save me? Alfred had gone to school, Mom, of course, to work, so I would be left to die alone.

I decided, when I started to wonder if that would be such a bad thing, to take a nap.

My dream was filled with nothingness. If that counted as a dream at all.

When I woke up, I was soaked thoroughly with my own sweat, sticking my hair to my face, my clothes to my body. I felt disgusting, so I yanked myself up with a terrible, thick cough, and went to shower, only to find I was too light-headed to take stand for that long. Well, baths were always nice too. While waiting for the tub to fill up, I dozed off, imagining that Gilbert was just outside the door, waiting for me to come back out to him. No, wait, this was Gilbert we were talking about. He'd be in the bathroom with me, saying "the awesome me can handle it!" or something along those lines. Despite how terrible I felt, just thinking about that made me laugh and miss him painfully.

After my bath, I tried to eat something, but my protesting throat wouldn't let me force it down, so I gave up and drank some water instead. Sitting at the table, I started humming and drumming my fingers, staring blankly into the abyss of my house. Just as I was about to fall asleep again, I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. I turned swiftly, but saw nothing, playing it off as a trick from my fever. Until it moved again. And again, while I was watching. My mom's creepy pile of stuffed animals that she kept in the corner of the kitchen was MOVING.

"Gilbert!" I gasped, hoping.

Instead I was met with a small bark and more wriggling from the fake animals. Just as I was about to go take some medicine to knock me out for my hallucinations, a small head popped out of them, eyes blinking and very alive. A puppy? Overly confused, I went over and pulled the tiny dog out of the pile, getting a warm tongue on my face in return. I laughed, pushing its face away, trying to determine the breed. It was white and very fluffy, with pointed ears, so… Alaskan Malamute or something along the lines of that? As I was investigating, I noticed a pink silk ribbon around its neck and took a look at it.

_Her name's Apune. Happy early Birthday, awesome Mattie. Oh, and you can STILL count on it, by the way. The awesome me will return!_

I almost cried, choking on the relief and, of course, the dog's sneaky tongue. Pushing her head away again, I looked into her black eyes and felt myself relax for the first time in forever. He was coming back. He had given me Apune to prove that to me. But, said my pessimistic side, when? If he had the strength to give me a puppy, when would he be coming back? Why hadn't he come back? The puppy, who had remained silent in my arms, barked lightly.

"Do you know when Gilbert is coming back?" I asked the dog in my croaking voice.

She barked again, struggled out of my arms, and made a beeline for the calendar on the wall, grabbing it in her jaws and shredding it. I groaned, going over and yanking it out of the naughty dog's mouth.

"No, Apune. Bad girl… bad…" I started, but when I took a good look at the calendar, she had only shredded one day on it, instead of just carelessly eating away at it. I brightened, muttering I was sorry to her and giving her a good pat on the head.

It was exactly one week away from today.

My brother freaked when he saw the puppy after coming home from school, and freaked twice as much when he saw the note in Gilbert's scratchy handwriting. I didn't see him for the rest of the day as he hid from the ghosts that could easily just go through the wall and into his room. My mom, however, was furious with me, disbelieving that I had been given the dog, claiming that I had played sick just so I could defy her and get the "filthy, diseased creature". But no matter how much she screamed, I was NOT giving Apune up. She was my only lifeline to Gilbert, the only proof he was going to be coming back from what was seemingly… literally… the dead.

Despite all her ranting about disobeying her, my mom let me keep the dog, saying it could be good for me, which I immediately agreed to. Whatever floated her boat kept mine from sinking too.

As another week went by, painfully slow, I started to panic. What if he hadn't come to see me because most of his body had disappeared forever? Would I be able to take that if it was true? Even though it was the day I should be happiest, I couldn't prevent myself from freaking out massively as I waited in my room after school for him to show up. I kept playing with my front hair curl nervously, passing the time… until it was about ten. My heart started to sink. Maybe the stupid dog had just randomly chosen a day that seemed yummy and snacked on it. Speaking of which… where had Apune run off to?

Seeing no point in sitting around here and waiting, I got up and started searching for her, clicking my tongue and whistling until it hurt.

"Apune!" I cried, starting to get worried. "Apune, where are you, girl?"

A small bark emanated from the bathroom and I opened the door, only to find it both dogless and empty. Well… was something moving behind the shower curtain…? I yanked it back, hoping to find my dog and getting so much more than even that. My hand fell limply to my side as I stared at the man before me, someone who, at one point, I had thought gone from me forever.

Gilbert… I started crying immediately, feeling pathetic but barely caring, because he was here now, and even if it WAS just to say goodbye, he had kept his promise with me. I couldn't move, immobilized by the shock, so Gilbert did instead, pulling me into his arms and just holding me there while I sobbed into his shirt. I could feel his strong hands, one against the back of my head, the other rubbing my back, giving off a surprising amount of heat for a ghost.

"The awesome me told you I'd come back! I told you to count on it!"

Eyes still leaking, I looked up at him, blushing at the look on his face. "Where have you been?" I murmured, clutching him closer.

He was silent for a long time, his expression thoughtful but guarded. He wasn't going to tell me, but I could infer using what he said. "I was… recovering. But the awesome me never left you alone for a second, Mattie! Yeah, I had to change my appearance some, but I was always there! Especially this past week! It's a dog's life," he chuckled.

Wait… he had been… APUNE? "B-B-But Apune was a girl!" I protested.

He raised a silver eyebrow and asked, "Did you ever check that? Just because the awesome me said it, didn't make it true."

I burned bright red and started stuttering, "N-n…. b-bu…. It…. I don't…"

With a triumphant laugh, he pulled me up and kissed me, his lips again warm against mine. I didn't want it to end… I didn't want him to leave me alone again. But the truth smacked me in the face; he was dead and I wasn't. We could never be together, no matter what. Unless…. But I tried to push that thought from my mind before Gilbert could read it.

Apparently I got rid of it fast enough, because he gave me an eager grin and we went back into my room where he promptly pushed me down again and said, his voice low, "Let's continue where we left off… only without interruption this time! Damn dissipating body chunks…."

Having that brought up made me curious and I scanned his body up and down and all over. Where was the gaping hole in his arm? In his side? How was he completely whole again? I didn't get time to ask before his mouth was on mine again, both of us putting all our terrible feelings of loneliness and longing into our kisses, which were slowly growing more and more intimate. With every one, my heart started pounding faster and I could feel the blood rushing to my face as I began to think about what sorts of things could happen if I let them. Or if Gilbert wanted to, which I was sure he did by the way his half-closed eyes burned seductively as he looked at me.

But I couldn't… and I knew that. So did he. Not to mention, he was, again, dead. It would be wrong and confusing on so many levels. Plus… despite all that, the real reason, which was as true as it was terrible, was that I was scared. So even though I wanted him, and him me, we would only kiss. That would be all. Sure, he'd probably try something anyway, but I had to tell him no. A-and I would. I would definitely tell him no. I HAD to… But as much as I attempted to convinced myself, I started doubting it the second his hand found its way up my shirt. I let out a surprised squeak, but otherwise did nothing to contain him.

Our whole night went like that, and we both somehow ended us shirtless, but he never went any farther. Eventually, I fell asleep with his arms around me, comforted by his sweet scent and even breathing beside me.

That night I dreamed of Heaven, where both Gilbert and I were angels… happy together where we belonged. Somewhere, in the recesses of my mind, I wondered if he had anything to do with the things going on in my head.


	11. And then

**Hmm... maybe the last chapter, maybe not. I'm leaning towards not... well enjoy :) And yay for snow days!**

When I woke up the next morning, I felt relief stronger than I ever had before. Gilbert was back… he had come back, just like he'd said he would. I wasn't alone anymore. He was going to stay with me now. Except that when I opened my eyes, I was no longer looking at his peaceful face, vulnerable in sleep. I was staring at the wall and there were no arms around me. Panicked, I shot up and looked around the room, desperation starting to choke me. Until I saw him sitting in my computer chair, staring with his usual mixture of cockiness and amusement. My heart slowed and I put a hand over it, taking deep breaths, calming myself back down.

"Have a good dream or what?" he chuckled, eyeing my bed slyly.

Huh? I followed his eyes to my sheets, only to find them soaking wet. Wh-what? There was no way… could I have wet the bed? Wait… I flushed immediately as I realized what this was. "N-n… b-bu… I d-didn't…" I muttered, unable to move, staring at the mess, completely flustered.

He burst into laughter, my squeaky chair groaning with every convulsion he had as he doubled over, throwing a water bottle at me wordlessly.

Totally taken aback, I picked it up and looked back up at him, not comprehending. Unless… My face took on a new color of blush as I put two and two together. So he had done this? Embarrassed by my ignorance, I went to my dresser and pulled out a new set of clothes, going to the bathroom to change, bringing the water bottle for some reason. When I had changed, I stayed in the bathroom for awhile, making sure I didn't start crying or something, holding the bottle in my hand tightly. So tightly that whatever was left squirted into my face.

Spluttering, I wiped my face on the nearest towel, pausing as I caught a weird scent… cautiously, I sniffed the towel and then the bottle. Ugh. What was IN this? Whatever it was, it wasn't water. Disgusted, I went back to my room, finding Gilbert strewn across my sopping bed, half-naked. Thankfully he still had his pants on, but I wasn't about to stand there and wait for him to take them off, so I strode over purposefully.

"What's in this?" I questioned, my voice a little too high.

"Just my awesome love juices!" he answered, going into another fit of laughter.

For a short moment, I felt myself intrigued by his answer, until I remembered how disgusting that was and how angry I was supposed to be about it. "I need to shower…" I murmured, rubbing my temples, but making no move to do it.

Just when I thought I was going to have to give Gilbert CPR from him laughing so much, my door opened and Alfred padded in, offering me some sort of Toaster Stroodle, possibly a Pop-Tart thing. Really, it was so mashed up, I couldn't even tell. I declined it, trying to get him out before he saw, but I knew it was too late. Just as he was walking out, he turned around to say something else and spotted the wetness on my bed.

"Dude." With a mischievous grin, he leaned against the doorframe, obviously readying himself to give me trouble about it.

With a sigh, I decided to spare Gilbert and pretend like I really HAD… done something like that. Blushing furiously, I pushed and shoved at Alfred, pretending to be really upset. It wasn't hard, since the trick Gilbert had played on me this morning had really humiliated me. I complained, miserable, until he finally left, laughing as he walked out saying, "About time!"

"You're a jerk," I whispered as I turned back to find Gilbert examining his nails.

He seemed astonished. "You mean the awesome me?"

Nodding, I went and sat down in the computer chair, spinning to face away from Gilbert, crossing my arms and pouting. I had been so happy last night, but now he had to ruin it by being stupid. And right when I thought he was starting to be serious. I couldn't follow his emotional rollercoaster and I didn't even want to try. Despite it being so early in the morning, I was already exhausted, ready for a break and some breakfast. Not that I was going to be able to face Alfred any time soon now.

"I am NOT!" Gilbert protested from his spot on the bed. "Cunning, yes, and tricky, yes, but the awesome me is totally not a jerk. You just don't know how to take a joke!"

As quietly as I could, I breathed on a huge sigh, "I want Apune back…"

But, as my luck would have it, he heard me and started finding intricate ways to contradict me, which I mostly ignored, staring at my blank computer screen. When he finally gave me an opening to talk, all I could think to say was, "That wasn't really your… I mean… in the water bottle, right?"

"Yes," he said with so much sincerity I knew he was lying to me.

I spun the chair to face him again, still trying to keep up my injured façade. "Gross…"

With too much relish, he told me, "You didn't seem to think so at first."

I felt my face burn again as I recalled that it was true. Even if it wasn't his love juice in the bottle, which I was sure it wasn't, when he had first told me, I hadn't reacted the way I was now. "I was taken off guard!" I claimed, my excuse pretty much pathetic. Then, breaking from the topic at hand, another thought came to me, one that I had suppressed last night in the flurry of kisses. "You're all healed… Gilbert, your arm and side… How?"

His smug, relaxed expression suddenly stiffened, making me tense myself. "Uhhh…. The awesome me is magical, duh," he joked, but the feeling wasn't in it.

"Why won't you tell me the truth?" I pursued my thought. He wasn't getting out of this without answering me.

Considering, he glanced down, his eyelashes creating a light canopy over his blood red irises. "Because… I don't want… to hurt you," he struggled out, saying his more tender feelings a seemingly difficult thing.

"I just want to know the truth, even if it's a little painful. Please, I need to know what's going on with you. So I can… prepare." I didn't even want to think about the implications behind my own words.

His eyes were back on me in an instant, flashing fluidly. "Mattie, the awesome me is here and completely normal because… because I used some of my power to bewitch your eyes. It was worth it if you didn't have to see what had really happened from making myself almost alive again… but if you want it, I guess I'll let you see it."

Did I want it? Did I really want to see him torn into pieces and filled with holes like I had imagined he would be? Or would I rather leave his current picture of health in my mind? As I struggled, I could feel him watching me. What did he want me to do? I glanced up with a furtive hope that he would convey something, but his face was like a mask, carefully placed and blank. I could tell he had an opinion; he was hiding it with all that he had. But how many more minutes would I have left with him if he was disappearing before my eyes? How many days? I doubted I'd have weeks, because if he had to cover it up in fear, then it was bad.

Coming to a decision, I told him, "Just let me see the real you."

And he did. I almost cried. There was next to nothing left of him, his spirit waning slowly from this planet to some other, faraway place. A place where only the dead go. Looking at him, I didn't even think I had days left. Every minute, one of his holes seemed to elongate, get bigger, grow wider, take out more of his beautiful body. It looked like someone had gone over him with an eraser erratically, scraping out random parts and now all that was left was… this. His remaining eye stared, taking in my reaction, sobered and in pain.

"Not pretty, is it?" He gave a forced laugh.

Finding that my hands had somehow ended up over my mouth, I put them back down and muttered, my eyes starting to water, "Where does the rest of you go?"

With a barely visible shrug, Gilbert said, "I don't know. But I'm going to find out pretty soon! And then…"

"And then…" I repeated almost inaudibly.

Out of nowhere, he gave me the greatest smile he had ever given me, one untainted with cocky narcissism or any other emotion he had shown me in the past. His teeth were ridiculously white and shiny, which almost distracted me from the tears slowly leaking out of his eyes. Almost. I'd never seen him cry before, but the water dripping down his face now was authentic, painful. Never had I seen him shine so bright.

"And then… then I can finally be by far the sexiest guardian angel that has ever lived!"

His words distracted me momentarily from his evaporating body, but it wasn't too long before I realized what was going on. "No… no… Gilbert, don't leave yet…" I pleaded, the tears finding their way down my own face.

"Pfft, don't worry, the awesome me will be back again! You worry every time I leave. You must love me or something!" I would have believed him if he wasn't still crying.

"B-But…"

"I'm never saying goodbye to you. Now go back to sleep, Mattie, and when you wake up, the awesome me will be there again!" With that, he gave one last eyebrow waggle before leaving.

And I knew that, this time, it really was for good.

"I do… love you…" I sobbed, knowing it was to deaf ears, but unable to help myself.

He was already gone.

"Yo, Mattie, I found some pancake mix in the pantry! Want some?" Alfred yelled obliviously.

Without a response, I just did what I felt like doing most. I crawled back into my wet bed and went back to sleep. Maybe, if I was lucky, I would never have to wake up. I'd only be alone.


	12. Epilogue

**Well, this is it :) Thank you guys for reading and hope you enjoy this last chapter!**

Really, the whole situation had felt like a dream. In what way was having a dead guy show up and fall in love with you realistic? It wasn't, and that was the issue. I was pretty much convinced that Gilbert was just a figment that my imagination had conjured up because I was lonely, just as my mom and therapist said. He was never real. And if someone is never real, how can you ever miss them? Well, he HAD been a real person. But I'd never met him, so… it was just really confusing, and I tried to avoid it any time my mind found itself on the subject. It gave me a headache.

The last time I had seen him was a year ago, falling to pieces in my room. Since then, nothing had been right with me. I had nightmares about it. Whenever I looked at anything that reminded me of Gilbert, I panicked. My experience was stuck with me, imagined or not, and it haunted my every thought. It had even taken me a few months to stop hoping he'd come back. Now I was just an empty seventeen-year-old, more alone than ever since Alfred had gone off to college. My mom was as busy as always, which left me alone a lot, which in turn concerned my therapist that Gilbert would reappear or that I would make up some other dead person to spend my time with. The only good thing about any of this was that my dad had started spending more time with me lately.

He had heard the whole Gilbert story and shown up at the door one day, demanding to see me. Unwillingly, my mom had let him come in and talk with me, not realizing the affect it would have. We were almost like friends, despite his absence in my life. He was a lot like me, shy and introverted, not much of a talker, but really smart. When he came over, our "conversations" mostly consisted of silent contemplation about my situation, which suited me just fine. His words were muted and soft, with a noticeable Canadian accent that had distracted me the first time I had heard him speak. I began to wonder if he had come all the way from Canada just to see me.

We were in one of our sessions right now, finally getting somewhere now that I had opened up to him all the way, telling him how I had felt about Gilbert and what he had meant to me, even showing him the gravestone that I had once spent so much time at. Silent, he had studied it, running his fingers over the German words just as I had.

"May God wait for you up in Heaven. Rest in peace…" he murmured, glancing up at me. "A rough translation, but close enough to the real meaning. Looks like his parents really cared about him though, otherwise his gravestone wouldn't be so expensive. Maybe you should try talking to them. Figure out what he was like. If he's anything like the boy you met, you probably really met him. Mind's may be able to imagine up people, but they can't depict true personality."

Surprised, I looked from the stone to his face. "True personality?"

"You say you never knew him. If you get his personality down perfectly, obviously something has happened."

Unable to respond, I just nodded my understanding. I had never thought about talking to Gilbert's parents. But… if I just came to their door and asked to talk about him, wouldn't it hurt them? Then again, if Dad seemed unconcerned about it… "I'll go if you come," I whispered, suddenly terrified.

He gave me a nod and nudged me towards the car lightly, the cue that it was time to go. With one last desperate glance at Gilbert's grave, I got in, leaving it behind. The car ride was dead silent, as usual, until we drove right by the house and down the street a little ways before stopping.

"Um… you missed the house," I told him tentatively.

Instead of responding, he got out of the car, motioning for me to come to. Confused but obedient, I responded by leaving the car and following him down a long sidewalk that eventually led to someone's front porch, which turned out to be attached to a huge mansion hidden away by the forest that I had never noticed. My eyes widened as we made it to the front door and my father rang the doorbell, expressionless. When I heard the footsteps echoing from the inside, my heart started throbbing from nervousness as I realized that this must be Gilbert's house. With one more terrorized sideways glance at my dad, the door opened, revealing a rough-looking boy with swept back blond hair and penetratingly blue eyes.

I recognized him immediately. He was in my grade.

His eyes went from me to my dad and back before he asked, his voice deep, "Are you here to see my father?"

My dad nodded, saying simply, "Yes."

Ludwig ushered us in, going to get his dad while we waited in a massive entryway that made me feel about two feet tall. Who could have guess that Gilbert had been rich in real life? Mesmerized by the house, I didn't hear it when Gilbert's dad came in until he spoke.

"Hello, Nathan," he said, sounding surprised.

I turned, expecting someone similar to Ludwig, only to have my breath taken away. Standing no more than two feet away, was an older version of Gilbert, those familiar red eyes scanning over me, but in a much less arrogant fashion. His silver hair fell just below his ears, mussed up in a way that was so much like his son's, I wanted to cry. I refused to meet his gaze, sure that I would lose it, so I shoved my hands in my pockets and stared at the floor.

"Hello, Abel," my father returned politely.

"It's been years! What can I do for you?" His distinct German accent hardened his words.

With a small glance to me, my dad explained it in a semi-sane sounding way. "Matthew's brother, Alfred, and your oldest son, Gilbert, were very close friends before the accident, or so Mattie has told me. He's writing a paper about awareness while driving and when he was given the assignment, he thought about your family's loss, so we were wondering if it would be alright with you to just talk about what Gilbert was like for a bit, unless... you'd prefer not to. We would understand completely."

For a moment he seemed taken aback, but then he nodded solemnly, looking back at me. "If it'll help you, I'd love to talk about him. In fact… we've been waiting to talk to someone for awhile."

So we sat down with Ludwig and his dad, finding out then that Gilbert's mother had passed away not long after the accident, and they started talking, describing everything they could about who Gilbert had been when he was alive. I was amazed at how energetically they described every detail of him exactly how I had perceived it, only in words I never would have thought to describe him with. And the authenticity of their tones… it made me remember him in further detail, almost so much so that I wanted to cry again. I missed him so much.

When they were done, I just sat there on their leather couch in silence, trying to figure out how I was going to go on now that I knew he had been real. Knowing it wasn't my imagination was a relief, but it also made it hurt that much more that he was truly gone from me.

"Did that help you with your paper, Matthew?" asked Ludwig's dad, looking exhausted, yet in some way satisfied.

I forced myself to nod and smile at him, trying to show my gratitude without saying a word. He smiled back, understanding. I had a feeling he was one of the only people who ever would. Then we left with a "thanks" from my dad.

Back at home, Dad sat me down for awhile and tried to soothe me, but when he saw that I wasn't responding, he gave up and went back to wherever he was staying with a promise that he would be back for me tomorrow. Lying in my bed, I stared up at the ceiling aimlessly, tracing its shapes and patterns with my eyes, following them until they ended, sometimes making recognizable things, other times just random squiggles. When one of them formed a small bird, I looked away in pain, remembering the tale that Gilbert had spun where he was a prince and I was a princess. That seemed so long ago now… yet I could still recall nearly every vivid image he had put there.

I heard a car door slam and, knowing my mom was probably home now, decided it was time to go out, before she asked me to eat dinner with her again. I listened to her keys jingle all the way to her room. Then the door slammed. That's when I decided to make my move, sprinting across the room and out the door without so much as a goodbye, just like Alfred always had done. Since I still hadn't managed to make any friends, I wasn't sure what I was going to do, but there were always nice places to go alone too. Like the library. Which was where I decided to go once I was in my car and rolling down the road.

It was a little dark outside, so I put on my headlights, relaxing into the seat as I sped away from the house exactly on the speed limit. Unlike my brother, I wasn't one to endanger everyone just because I wanted to get somewhere fast. The way to the library was short, but filled with all kinds of stop signs and lights, which was really aggravating, especially when newcomers who weren't familiar with the area came through and didn't stop. It caused a lot of accidents, though the majority of them weren't fatal. I tried not to think about it as I slowed down to stop at a red light.

Letting my mind drift, I started thinking about coffee… warm and comforting, especially with chocolate and maple syrup… and a huge pile of whipped cream. I could really use a cup of that right now. Maybe I would go to the coffee shop after the library. Then I could go back to Gilbert's grave one more time before putting this whole thing behind me, just to have some closure now that I was sure the situation had been real. I felt my eyelids beginning to droop from the exhaustion that today had brought, the stress of everything, and I tried desperately hard to stay awake as the light switched to green, only for me to have to stop again fifteen feet away. With an unhappy sigh, I shifted my eyes to check my right side mirror. And froze. I rubbed my eyes vigorously about six times, until I finally accepted I wasn't imagining this.

I tried to say his name, but an airy sob was all that came out. He was quiet, staring at me with sorrowful red eyes. This couldn't be happening. I had seen him disappear. Yet here he was, sitting in the passenger seat of my car, completely whole and so real… it had to be my exhaustion doing this to me, torturing me. Yes, this was my overactive mind conjuring up Gilbert again. Or so I thought, until he reached over and stroked my face with an arrogant smile. I was too shocked to respond in any way, even when he whispered in my ear. I couldn't make out what he was saying, because his voice was suddenly so musical, when it had once been rough. His skin was soft when it had been calloused.

Not until the light changed and I had eased into the intersection did the words register.

He had said, "When that light turns green, don't move, Mattie. Don't move."

There was no way to fix it now, no time to react or respond before the car sped down the side road and slammed into the side of mine unrelentingly.

The dull ache in my head was all that made me realize I was alive. If people were coming to visit me, the only one I could actually hear and talk to was Gilbert. And he was dead. If my head wasn't pounding, I would have thought I had gone to Heaven, where it turned out he had gone to after all. He kept me company, his new, sweeter voice distracting me from the painful reality of the world as he told me story after story about life after death. It almost made me wish I was there with him, instead of being behind the nearly invisible wall that separated us. Every time I tried to get to him, it would form and get in my way, as if it were a mental block to keep myself alive.

When I woke up for the first time in a long time a few days later, I was glad it had been there. I was met with unexpected pairs of worried eyes looking down on me with tears in them. My family was there, including my dad, but that wasn't what touched me. It was the unexpected green and blue ones that made me sit up in shock, though my head was still killing me. I remembered their names: Antonio and Francis, the two boys that Alfred and I had gone to the skating park with a year ago, where I had first encountered Gilbert. They had been his best friends.

Had they come to the hospital… just for me?

Alfred had started sputtering pointless stuff at me now, hugging me, and they joined in, acting like we had known each other enough for that. Was it the fact that Gilbert had died in a car accident? Or was it… that they had wanted to be my friends? Either way, they were clinging to me and sobbing their eyes out. Glancing up, I saw my dad's relief and my mother's pain, and I knew I was truly loved. This was what I had been waiting for for a long time. I closed my eyes again, completely satisfied and fell asleep.

When I woke up again, the room was still filled with people, but they weren't barraging me like they had the first time. Instead, Alfred was conversing with a guy that I hadn't noticed before, one with yellow hair and big green eyes that was a little bit shorter than he was. The unfamiliar boy seemed to think they were arguing, while Alfred was all smiles and laughter. Just as I was about to ask, my brother looked over and saw me lying there, staring at him in confusion. He grabbed the smaller boy's arm and dragged him over, coming up to me and saying, "This is Arthur! He's my boyfriend!"

Boyfriend?

We both stared at Alfred in wonder for a bit before Arthur muttered, "Git…" in a British accent.

Apparently a lot had changed.

A few weeks later, I was laying in my own bed again, staring at the ceiling as I had not long before I had gotten myself into that accident. I remembered Gilbert, the way he had looked and spoken to me right before I had almost gotten myself killed. He had been trying to save me. And I hadn't listened. Did that mean he was watching over me now that he'd made it to Heaven? Had he attained a guardian angel status? Somehow convinced God that he deserved that? I smiled to myself at the thought of him pleading to the Lord that he needed to take care of me. I was really glad that he had. And now I could never really be alone. Not now that I knew he was there. And that he always would be.


End file.
